[proof of life] The Archives: May 2009-March 2011

Let's Grow

2011-04-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

Now accepting companionship @ Wacky Little House

Refresh

2011-03-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

This is just a little warning, major change will be coming to this blog very soon. With a new ~~chapter~~ volume of my life approaching,I am feeling that it is about time to turn the final page of this book and start up fresh with another. All of my posts and all of your comments will be preserved and I am sure I will refer to them from time to time, but the time for new stories and recordings has come, and soon I will be posting my new home for all to visit.

I have had a blast with The Giant Typo/Hey Jayka/Proof of Life but the closing of this door only leaves me with a brand new world to explore.

Feel free to browse the archives and see how we have come to be.

Living is best done with a smile

2011-02-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

They say we each create our own destiny. If that is true, we ought to make it fun!

Have a great day today my friends.

Daydream of all the things that make your heart leap with joy.

Dance for a moment as if no one were watching.

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

and if all fails, give yourself a smack on the butt and try it again tomorrow.

A letter to a loved one

2011-02-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Spring,

I await your return with an anxious twitch in my right foot. I dream of your glorious light shinning in on my as I struggle to wake. I hold close the memories of your gentle breeze and soft caress. The colors that you have shown me are the perfect therapy for an aching soul. My spring, please come back to me. I know you are far away, but I believe that we are so tightly wound that you can still hear my call. This time my spring, I know you hold special gifts for me. Gifts of life and love wrapped up in a tiny baby boy. Oh my spring, that magic the you will bring. I am waiting.

Accomplished or Failed

2011-01-27T06:42:00.000-08:00

Last December I post up my goals for 2010. I guess that it is about time to check in and see how I did.

Camping (Accomplished)
I am going to count this one as an accomplishment, but the fact is that I did end up camping out in my own backyard. It was an amazing time with friends and family, and it was a night that I will not forget. We had maybe six tents up in our backyard and after an amazing party, everyone just hung out and crawled in their tents. Yay for having buddies that will do silly stuff with you!

Flickr Bug (Semi-Accomplished)

I was doing really go at the beginning of the year, but as the months went on and summer approached I found it harder and harder to keep my camera near. Then tragically my camera was stolen, and it took sometime before I was able to replace it. As a soon-to-be mama, I am pretty sure my camera will gets its use this year.

Back on the Bike (Accomplished)

I did it! I rode my new cruiser like a champ! Currently I am not allowed to ride it, nor is the weather the greatest for bike rides, but soon my bike is going to get a car-seat, or wagon and then we will be in business for future family rides.

Adopt/Foster (Semi-Accomplished)
After eight months of prep work, we had to put the adoption on hold due to the pregnancy. We did a lot of work for this, but we are planning to revisit once the baby is born and we are back at a normal place in life.

Party like a Rockstar (Accomplished)
I wanted to have an amazing birthday party, and with the help of some friends, it was everything I dreamed of. We had a fiesta and my brother and cousin did a little dance for us, too cute! Plus the biggest surprise of the year came when miss Lala walked in just as I was swinging for my piñata. Amazing night!

Corn Maze (Fail)
Didn't make it out to the corn maze this year, but I did make it out to Holiday Lights!

Girlfriends (Accomplished)

I reconnected with great people in my life, and I made a great friend in Adela. I know the past few months have been crazy and I have been tried and busy like never before, but I promise to get back on top of things SOON. I miss you guys!

Portland (Fail)
Couldn't do it, but I am not giving up! Maybe next year we can head out there. This year already seems out of the question.

No Venti (Semi-Fail)
Although I did cut back on Starbucks DRINKS, I still kept up on my Starbucks visits. Part-time work equals part-time play and most of that play was done on my laptop at a Starbucks.

Studio Time (Fail)

I thought that I would have more time to work out in the garage, but once we started up our adoption classed everything was about getting the house ready for a child. We did some light remodeling and now have a two bedroom house, but still no studio.

Overall, I am happy with my accomplishments, and I will just have to keep working on my "failures" until they too become accomplishments.

Bear Down

2011-01-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

We are back from our lovely Chicago Holiday, and we had a great time. The whole purpose of the trip was to introduce my brother Eric to the city. He would like to move out there, so being the Chicago loving couple that we are, we decided to be his personal tour guides.

While we were in town we took advantage of our location, and I got to get in a nice visit with my BFF from High School. I try to get out to Chicago at least once a year, and we usually have a day out on the town and a little dinner. This time was no different. The hubby and I joined her and her hubby for some wings and football. I really loved seeing her, and only hope that next time I have a few more days to spend with her and her girls.

The icing on the cake had to have been our Sunday morning stroll into Soldier Field. My hubby is a Bears fan, and although I am a Niner fan, I had to support him and his team on this day. For the unofficial "Husband Week" I woke up Monday morning and bought us tickets to the Bears Playoff game. It was our first time to watch them play in Chicago. For those uninformed folks, the Bears won and are now one game away from a trip to the Super Bowl.

All in all it was a fabulous trip, and I think my brother liked it too. There is something about Chicago that I will always treasure in my heart.

You are Wonderful

2011-01-08T06:43:00.000-08:00

We start today with a simple question. What are some of the things that you think are wonderful?

My list of Wonderful...

Quality Time with the Family
Live Music
Exploring our Earth
The magical power of Cameras
Days when we both sleep-in
Shinny Elegant Elevators
Massages after a long day
A Pet's Love
Clean drinking water
The Sunrise
FREEDOM
Bare feet in the sand
Twinkling Christmas Lights
Mexican Hot Chocolate
Vintage RVs/Campers
Hugs and Kisses
Dreadlocks
History
Good, Respectful Love
Self-Love/Self-Worth
Spirituality
Breakfast Cafes
Plain fitted T-Shirts
Honesty
Becoming a Mother.

Reset, Go!

2011-01-01T18:06:00.000-08:00

This new year's morning I woke up with a slap of reality. I had a crazy dream about work, and in that dream when I returned to work on the 3rd they gave me a letter and relieved me of my duties. I was fired. I reacted so strongly to it, and at the same time had so much love for everyone I had worked with, even the people who I dreamed up and that I have never met in my life. The reality of this dream is that I am only working as a temporary employee, and I do have so much love and appreciation for the people that I work with. I know that the day will come when my work is done, or I no longer fit into a budget plan, but I didn't expect to become so attached. It will be hard for me.

This brings me to the following list. I spent all of December blogging about moments and people in 2010 that have made my year for me, but I forgot to reflect on all of the things in 2010 that I had started to take for granted, and in all reality they are each a blessing. So here it is, a list of a few things that I am I so grate for to have experienced in 2010.

A company found my resume in a pile of resumes and took me in, and then called me back after my first temporary assignment to do more work for them. This company is fulled with hardworking, passionate people and I am very grateful for everyday they allow me to work for my family.

At church, Sister Rosangela who had been our director for many years moved on to another parish, but in the sadness of losing her, we have found joy in our new director Sister Pauline. Sister Pauline is very straight forward and determined and I have come to feel very connected to her in so many ways. I am grateful for having Sister Pauline in my life.

The students in our third year confirmation class have shown effort in their work, and I am thankful for being able to be a part of their lives and share with them my faith.

Over the first months of the year my husband and I have learned so much about the adoption and foster systems in our state, and although our journey with adoption is on a temporary hold, there are so many families in our county that are opening their homes and hearts to these children. So many good people wanting nothing more than to love and nurture a child that is in desperate need of those things. I am so grateful that so many folks have that love and ability within them.

Parents and family members are part of the ocean of things that people just begin to take for grated. My parents have been there for my husband and I since the beginning, and I am so thankful to them for all of their love and support. My mom and dad are always there to help us in all things, from putting up walls and painting rooms, to holding us tight and welcoming us into their home on nights that I was in distress. Now we are finally going to be able to give them something back, and bless them with a grandson.

2010 brought us a gift of our own, we became Godparents to a sweet young boy named Jonas. My cousin Stephanie baptized her children and we had the honor of speaking on Jonas' behalf and accepting the Christian lifestyle for him. I hope over the years we can continue to be good role models of this faith, and of family. We love that little guy to infinity and beyond!

Towards the end of the year my little nephew Elazar began to walk. Children are such an amazing gift, they bring so much joy and love into the lives of everyone around them. We are so happy to be a part of Elazar and April's life.

I conquered fear this past year, and I hoped back on the bike. I am so thankful to those who contributed to the purchase of my beautiful bike, and to my husband who had faith in me to overcome. He didn't question if I would continue to ride, if I was really going to try it out, or any of those things, he stood by me and kept any doubts he may have had to himself. Plus my mom had to make a special trip from Gonzales to Monterey to pick up my bike because it wouldn't fit in my car. So many people believed in me and that makes it so much more special.

And the greatest things that I have realized not to take for grated are my life and my God. Every breath that I continue to take into my body is worthy of celebration. God has given me what I need to live and learn from. Things may not be “perfect” in the minds of many, but life is life nonetheless. I promise to live each of my days with as much dignity and respect and love and passion as I humanly can.

I am so trilled to have this new year ahead of me. I am ready to love, to grieve if I must, and to honor the moments that have yet to come.

Happy New Year everyone!

My CORE

2010-12-31T07:54:00.001-08:00

December 31 Core Story

What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

My core is my family and my faith. Everything that I do, I do for those that I love, and all of the strenght to keep me going comes from the faith that I have in them and in my God. Over the past few years I have tried really hard to live a life that I could not only enjoy, but be proud of years later. I feel that I am accomplishing that goal. I have grown to be a patient, loving, and respected person those are all things I doubted to be possible. My life has been changing and hope that 2011 and my baby boy only push me further!

A precious gift

2010-12-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

December 30 Gift

This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

The greatest gift was one that was sent on down from heaven and placed right into my body. I know I have said it over and over, but just having the opprotunity to say the words "I am pregnant" was something that I thought I would never be able to do. It was so amazing for me to have the moment when I realized that something so magical was happening to my life.

I define moments

2010-12-29T07:52:00.000-08:00

December 29 Defining Moment

Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

From the very beginning of this year Anthony and I were in preparation for becoming parents. We were going about it by an alternative road, adoption, but we were commited and determined to become a loving home to a child this year. Months of classes, light remodeling of our home, and many interviews - fingerprinting sessions - and background checks later, we were finally just weeks away from having that dream fulfilled. I guess God had a different plan for us, he placed the most precious road block in our way. I found out I was pregnant, and we decided to put the Adoption on hold for a year or two to make sure we were in a good place again to open up our hearts and home. Now it is the end of the year and as I type I have a little guy wiggling around inside of my very body. All year we have been preparing to give love, to share our home, to open our hearts, but never did we imagine the end of the year would come and THIS would be our situation.

Achieve

2010-12-28T07:46:00.000-08:00

December 28 Achieve

What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I want to write daily. Maybe online, maybe in a journal, just write. Nothing to crazy, just journaling or poems or whatever is on my mind. I imagine to receive a feeling of freedom and joy, occasionally I may feel pain followed by relief. I guess the way I can feel the freedom and joy today is by taking every minute of the day to use for living and exploring my favorite things.

10 freeing thoughts:

You create your future.
Your past can be only a day dream away, or you can chuck it into a black hole.
Dance and take deep breaths often, you like that.
You are never alone, unless you close your eyes really tight and spin in circles.
The moonlight is yours for the taking.
Buy it and then give it away.
Smile at that stranger, everyone needs a little love.
Fear not who your passions can develop within you.
Being shy is so 2010.
Nobody can bring to the world the beauty that you were made to share.

Blessed little moments

2010-12-27T07:45:00.000-08:00

December 27 Ordinary Joy
Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

One of the most joyful moments occured just a few days ago. We were laying in bed and I told my husband that the baby was going wild in my belly. He asked where he was kicking, so I placed his hand over my side and our little Alonzo gave daddy's hand a strong kick. It was amazing to see the two of them interact with each other, and I was amazed that it was taking place through my body.

Christmas Photo Dump!

2010-12-26T22:20:00.000-08:00

Photos for all!

My Little Nephew Elazar sitting pretty!

A few of the little ones opening gifts.

and My brothers family opening some of their gifts.

Daddy with Alonzo's first Christmas gift from Grandma & Grandpa.

Some of my favorite guys. Abraham & Anthony, such a cute couple.

and of course, The Taylors!

Hope everyone had a magical Christmas with their loved ones.

Peach heaven

2010-12-26T21:35:00.001-08:00

December 26 Soul Food
What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Oh my gosh, I have had so much good food over the past year! With that being said, the thing that just had me dreaming for more, even days later, was a yummy dessert that our friend David Sax made for us at a little BBQ over the summer. After a nice helping of veggie sausages and chips, David pulled out some grilled peaches, covered in honey and yummy spices. Then he added a scoop of French Vanilla ice cream right over the top. The peach was so warm and delicious and the refreshing cool taste of the vanilla just made it heaven in a bowl. I am still waiting for seconds!

Freedom in a still

2010-12-26T21:34:00.001-08:00

December 25 Photo, a present to yourself
Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I searched through old post and Facebook photo albums, and this is the picture that I have chosen. It includes my husband Anthony, and was taken at a beach along the 17 mile drive in Pebble Beach. We had spent the day riding through the back roads listening to Muddy Waters with our windows rolled down and arms waving out the windows. The days seemed perfectly created for our exploration. This picture reminds me of the free feeling that I felt that day, and that really defines the pure simple joys of my soul. I wore no make up, I didn't comb my hair, heck I don't think I even bothered to shower that morning. My husband joins me in his natural state, free from any obligation to dress, act, or feel a certain way. I love this photograph so much. It has captured a moment and feeling that I never want to forget.

Just Live

2010-12-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

December 24 Everything’s OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

The moment would have to be shortly after finding out that our friend Julia had passed away. The first couple of days were very tough for my husband, and for me, but once we made our way to Wisconsin and visited her family things slightly changed for me. I saw how much everyone loved her, how everyone was going to miss her, but most of all I saw the pleasure and peace that came from knowing that Julia had lived her life to the fullest. Julia in all of her days, both joyous and sad, made sure to squeeze the life out of every experience she had. It was then that I realized that all I could do in life is live my days as Julia did, with a laugh and a joke at the end of every wrong turn. The most we can ask of lives is that they are lived.

Mar-Cheekie Taylor

2010-12-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

First off I apologize for not keep up to date. As you can imagine, this holiday season has been taking a lot out of me. Luckily, with reflection I see that it has put a lot in me as well. Let's keep it rolling now with a nice reverb catch up post!

December 23 New Name
Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Hello, my name is Mar-Cheekie. I would love it. How dope would it be to have people calling me such a silly name. My hubby calls me Mar-Cheekie all of the time and it always makes me giggle!

Jet Setter

2010-12-22T21:23:00.000-08:00

December 22 Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

2010 has been a slow year for travel on our part. All "fun time" travel has been local and done in our little car. We explored all over the bay area, so. cal, and managed to stay out a few nights in Vegas. We did make it out to Chicago once this year, but it wasn't under the best circumstances.

I am really hoping that 2011 brings much more travels, but with the little one on the way, I don't think that will happen. Maybe 2012!

Future Self

2010-12-21T20:09:00.000-08:00

December 21 Future Self

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?
One simple piece of advice that I have for myself next year, no matter what the situation would be, enjoy every minute of life that you have. Relax and don't worry about being a perfect mom, just be loving, thoughtful, and remember to use your common sense. You are freaking fabulous!

To Avoidance and Beyond

2010-12-20T19:56:00.000-08:00

December 20 Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?

There really isn't too much that I "should have" but didn't do, but there are a few things that I can think of.

I should have...

taken more pictures

visited Portland

started to work out sooner

and bought my bike at the beginning of the year.

You are Healing Me

2010-12-19T08:16:00.001-08:00

December 19 Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

This one is simple. My blog has been my greatest healer. This is the only place in the world that I can say anything I would like to say, and I don't have to apologize for what I am feeling or thinking at the time. This place started off for me as a place to heal, and nothing has changed expect for now I have visitors that care enough about how my life is going to stop by and check in on me. I have been on meds, I have seen therapists and doctors, but the freedom of the spirit that I feel after typing a heartfelt blog is unmatched. I don't even have to post all of my entries, there are plenty tear-jerking heartbreaking post that are still saved as drafts for my eyes only, and some of those have been the most healing. So thank you to blogger, and each one of you for being there for me on this journey of life. Without your support I may have stopped writing months ago, but you guys are what has kept me committed to this writing.

In 2011 I would like to continue to heal any doubts that I may have in myself. I need to keep living life because I am worth living for.

I Try

2010-12-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

December 18 Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

My number one priority for 2011 will be to become the most caring and loving mother that I could possibly be. I will try my hardest to not impose false standards of my motherhood upon myself. In other words, I will not be my mom, my grandmas, my friends, or any mommy blogger. I will be me. I truly believe that I am a great person with good values and an amazing heart (yes, I am ok complementing myself), and that the way I will best be able to parent my child is by using all of my talents and love to help them grow.

God has created each of us differently, and therefore there is not just one way to care for a child. This is really big because I already know everyone has their opinion on how you should hold the baby, how much you should feed the baby, when the baby should be walking, talking, what they should be eating or not eating, and if I live my first year as a mother trying to please all of the on lookers I am losing a lot of valuable moments learning how to be a mother. Instead of experiencing the frustrations and joys for myself, I will just be a robot mom programed by over opinionated people and rude remarks. No offense to anyone, I do appreciate suggestions and knowledge, just don't attempt to correct me as you see me in action. Use your best judgement to pick a time that is appropriate to have a conversation with me as an adult.

Lesson Learned

2010-12-17T08:15:00.000-08:00

December 17 Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

I learned that I am a lot stronger that I ever imagined, physically and mentally. Last year is when I had my major breakdown, every pain from my past combined with all of the pain I anticipated would come in my future was choking me down. I felt like I would never survive through the end of the torture. To be perfectly honest with you, I did not want to survive anything anymore. I wanted so bad to put myself out of pain, but the only thing that kept me alive then was knowing the pain that that would cause the people I love the most. The image of my loved ones mourning my death is what kept me alive. This year I needed to move past that. I felt like this was the year to change my way of thinking, and I really was able to see the difference between the actual pain in my life and the magnified pain that I was creating. I learned that I had been hiding feelings by always smiling, and then I learned that I didn't have to do that. I learned to be honest with what I felt and what I was going through. I learned that I don't have to take responsibility for everyone else's short comings. I learned that I am not the savior of the world. I learned that little ol' me could only take responsibility for my own actions, and I that's what I plan to continue to do. I want to live my life in a way that is pleasing to my Lord and to my heart, and if I can accomplish that, then I am sure it will also be pleasing to those who truly care for my wellbeing.

Friendship sent from Above

2010-12-16T07:30:00.000-08:00

December 16 Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

The one person who has inspired and shook up my way of thinking is my buddy Lala. Early in the year we began to form a friendship, and then through projects that we both shared on our blogs we grew closer and closer until the day we finally met at my birthday party. She has helped me to open up to the idea of loving myself for who I am, not for who I was or what I can become. Lala sent me the book that changed my life and started me on a whole health kick. I believe that health kick and the grace of God are what finally got us pregnant after years of trying. I owe Lala much gratitude, and I hope that over the years we only continue to inspire each other to grow and explore the world with our rainbow tinted glasses. Thank you love.

5 Minutes

2010-12-15T20:04:00.000-08:00

December 15 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Oh my gosh, that is just a terrible thing to imagine! If I must, I could not bear to think of losing the memories of our greatest baby moments to date. The day that we found out we were pregnant was the most exciting day of my life. The day Anthony, my mom and I went to my first ultrasound appointment and heard our baby's heart-beating was the biggest blessing. The day that I was told we we're having a boy was so unreal! All of those days are days that I could live off of for the rest of my life. I can't wait to meet my precious baby boy.

Appreciate

2010-12-14T21:46:00.000-08:00

December 14 Appreciate

What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

I am so glad that this is todays prompt! Today we had a catechist meeting at the church, it actually was more of a potluck and prayer. While we were all sitting around the dining room table eating together as a family, I couldn't help but feel such love and joy in my heart. Those people have helped me grow over the past three years, and they have definitely help our marriage by giving my husband and I a positive aim in our lives. I am so grateful to have everyone of them as a part of my family. I never imagined to have such strong ties to my faith community, but now I realize that is the perfect place for me to create these types of relationships. To answer the question that was given, I greatly appreciate their presence in my life, and I hope that I am showing my gratitude by sharing my time, being kind, and always respectful of their lives and time.

reverb rewind

2010-12-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

There is some catching up to do...

December 13 Action

When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

Most of my stuff is on pause. I like fresh clean starts, so I am really just going to let these next few weeks be what they are, and in the new year I will have to revisit this question and really think of a great answer. Sorry I am halfway ducking, I know.

December 12 Body Integration

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

Oh my gosh, YES! Back in July when I started the whole work out and vegetarian thing I felt like a whole new me. I felt like the me that I was always meant to be. I didn't feel like I was lugging around my body, or like my mind was on another planet, I just felt very in the moment at all times. It was amazing and I can't wait to go back to working out and all my foods right after the baby is born.

December 11 11 Things

What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

I tried and tried and tried to think of 11 things to get rid of in 2011 and I can only come up with this short list:

Excessive TV Time
Drama Queens
Negative Self Image
Junk Food
Fears of what the future holds

I have been working on many things since the beginning of 2010, so this is what is left for me to work on. The plan of attack is pretty simple, I need to set my focus back on my healing source, which for me is my faith and my husband. The TV time will be the easiest to get rid of especially when the baby comes, I am sure I will be too busy to even watch my programs. The hardest item to get rid of will be the fear of the future. I am not sure how I will do this other than prayer.

Holly Jolly Holiday

2010-12-12T14:33:00.000-08:00

Winterball was a blast! To all those that attended, thank you for filling our little home with so much love. To all those that wished us great times, thank you for the kind thoughts.

God grant me the WISDOM

2010-12-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

December 10 Wisdom

What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

wis·dom [wiz-duhm] –noun
the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is trueor right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity,discernment, or insight.

I am usually the type of person that just makes decisions in the moment. Most of the time they are right, sometimes they come with a slight sense of regret, but rarely do I feel that I have made a decision using wisdom. However, this year I feel that I have made some of the biggest most wise decisions of my life. Intense, huh?

The single most wise decision that I have made in 2010 came right after my twenty-eight birthday. The day that I looked at the pictures from my birthday party and realized that I didn't want to post them because I felt so horrible about the physical state of my body. Those pictures coupled with a book that a good friend let me borrow, turned my life around. Half way through reading skinny bitch I made the decision to give up meat, and cut back as much as possible on all processed foods. The decision to become vegetarian matched up perfectly with my decision to work out and eat healthier. By choosing to cook my meal at home, and workout 5 days a week at my house, I was able to drop 30 pounds in the course of 2 months. It was this change to my diet and overall health that allowed me to finally become pregnant. It's hard to believe that the simplest choices that we make can affect our lives in such grand ways.

Once my husband and I found out that we were being blessed with a sweet child of our own, we had another tough decision to make, and I believe we made the wisest decision possible. Although we were trilled that we were pregnant, we were only a few weeks out from having a foster child placed in our home, hoping to adopt them in the future. We had to decide quickly what we were going to do with our adoption situation. After careful thought, and a few tears, we decided that the best thing would be to wait until after our child is born to continue with the adoption process. The stress that comes with a foster-adopt situation would not have been healthy for me, plus the sex of the child would have to be the same sex as our birth child because they would have to share a room. On top of all of that, we pray that the baby is born healthy, but if they are not then that would be the only thing that would pull us out of the adoption race. I want to be sure that we are at a comfortable and stable place at the time a foster/adopt child enters our home, they will already be going through so much and they would need our full attention at that time.

So those are two of the most important and wises choices of the year. One required a lot of commitment, and the other was kind of heartbreaking, but I believe we will be a happier healthier family in the end because of them.

Winter Wonderland

2010-12-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

Can you remember back to your nights of high school formals? Winterball? Prom? Homecoming? All of the planning, dress shopping, and girly talk about how you were going to do your hair, or what shoes you were going to wear. Waking up the morning of the big day and feeling like you deserved the right to be pampered because that night you were going to be a star.

Well, all of those feelings are starting to boil up within me. My cousins and I decided a few weeks back that it would completely fantastic if we threw ourselves our own Winterball! Tomorrow night we will be celebrating a beautiful time of the year, some of my favorite gals' birthdays, and I cannot wait. Today I am going to run around after work and get the last minute stuff I need to create a night of wonder. It shall be perfect, and the tiniest Winterball in the history of all Winterballs will be rockin'.

I am hoping to take tons of pictures, but we will have to see if I'm not too busy dancing my feet off!

Christmas Cards!!

2010-12-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

I am such a Christmas Card lover!

I would love to send you guys some cards,

if you wouldn't mind you can e-mail or

comment me your mailing address.

In case any of your are Christmas Card freaks like me,

you can feel free to send your little lovings to me at:

Mrs. Jessy Taylor

P.O. Box 961

Gonzales, CA 93926

my e-mail addy is: jessicamarietaylor [at] att [dot] net

P-A-R-T-Y

2010-12-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

December 9 Party

What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Vegas Baby!

This summer I had an amazing birthday, we had awesome party music, great food, and backyard camping, but with that said, Vegas just bumped my bday party to second place.

When I was younger, we (as in all aunts/uncles/cousins/friends) would travel to Vegas caravan style. Once we arrived and checked into our block of rooms, it was all about having a blast with the fam. It had been many many years since I joined the family on one of these trips. It was the first Vegas trip that my younger cousins were all of age to go out and party. It was so much darn fun going around to dinners together, dressing up all pretty, and shaking our rumps to songs I would never listen to at any other time. Vegas was Vegas, simply amazing! I cannot wait until my other baby cousins are old enough to make another one of these trips!

Viva Las Vegas

I am beautifully different

2010-12-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

December 8 Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

First off let me start by saying that I am a ~~big~~ huge fan of the beautifully different. It is inspiring to see people being true to their own thoughts and honoring their strengths. The fact that I am such a huge fan was intimidating to me when I began to think about this post. I see it in others all around me, and even with all of the journaling and practice from the self-love posts, it still makes me blush to think of myself as beautiful sometimes.

Then I closed my eyes and freed myself for those thoughts, and this is what I came up with.

I am beautifully different because...

I care more about getting to know a persons soul than merely adding someone to my friends list.
I believe in the power that we each carry within us.
I am honest and truly trustworthy.
I am kind even if it cause people to be cruel to me or get the impression that I may be weak.
I care more about how things will make my heart feel than what others will think of me.
I am just a giggle dirty face little girl at heart, it keeps me smiling even in times of trials.
Nobody in the universe can give the gifts that I can give to the world. Nobody but me

Baby Jayka

Keepin with Tradition

2010-12-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

Every year we try to buy and ornament or two that we add on to our little Christmas Tree, and I am so excited that I finally have found the perfect family ornament for this year. I just had to share it with you all!

Community

2010-12-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

December 7 Community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

In 2010, I opened up my blog to the public, I had no idea what was to follow. I gained friendships with so many of you, and one special lady even made her way into my heart and home. I never thought that it was possible to have such strong ties to strangers.

In 2011, I am hoping to deepen my ties with my fellow catechist. There are so many of us at the church, and we hardly spend anytime together other than mettings. I am also hoping to continue to make more friends through these little blog post.

In the making

2010-12-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

December 6 Make
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

To be honest, I haven't been making much of anything recently, or even semi-recently. I am in the middle of a couple of paintings for the baby's room, but they are on hold for now.

This prompt really makes me want to get out and make something now. Maybe I will pull out my crafting tools soon! Until then, I will just stick to "making" this baby.

Letting Go

2010-12-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

December 5 Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I am some what of a control freak. It is very difficult for me to just let things go. I have always felt that the way for things to get do in my life is for me to take on all of the responsibility and do them all myself. This year has been a little different for me.

I have been doing my best to let go of my past regrets, haunting memories, and all of the "cannots". I have been learning to let go of fear, and learning to trust. I have been practicing trusting my husband, my family, friends, and most of all God with all of the details. I choose my path, but all of these people contribute to the journey along the way.

The hardest part for me is letting go of the comfort that comes with tightly controlling a situation, but the rewards have been the greatest of blessings.

This year I have unexpectedly received employment, was able to conceive a child, and I was able to overcome great big disappointments without worrying to much about who to blame. Loosening my grip has allowed me to live more freely, and to enjoy every unexpected moment and daily miracle that comes my way.

Important update!

2010-12-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

My pregnancy blog Flowers or Mud

has been renamed and give a new address.

You can now visit us at:

Discovering Alonzo

don't forget to bookmark & follow!

A Sense of Wonder

2010-12-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

December 4 Wonder.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I discovered the power of self-love.

I became comfortable in my own skin, and with that not only did I find beauty and truths within me, but I began to see all of the beauty in the world around me. I also got a boost of confidence that made me believe that just maybe I could change the world. Once that idea was planted within me I became an explorer, looking for places to love, and places to make lovely.

The power of a little self-love made me want to spread the love all around me.

blessed, this week has been

2010-12-04T10:06:00.000-08:00

Weekly Recap

Week of: Nov 28th - Dec 4, 2010

In a word: magical

Highlight of the week: There were so many great moments of this week, but one of the greatest for me occurred Tuesday night. For the first time since the expansion of the Montoya Family, we all huddled up into a portrait studio and took family photographs. It was so much work getting all 11 of us plus 2 baby bumps in, but we managed, and the results were perfect!

On repeat: All that you are (Remix) - Foreign Exchange

Baby news: This week was HUGE for baby news, I felt the baby wiggle for the first time this week, plus we found out that our baby is 15oz, and it's a BOY!

Good news in the world: The UN has declared clean water & sanitation a basic human right. It's about time. (read more)

Final thoughts: I was blessed with a fantastic week, nice twist from how things have been. Many things fell into place, and good news on the baby always makes me happy. This week I feel that I have really gotten back to my blogging, from the heart, for my personal enjoyment, and I am planning on working on many relationships with my readers and favorite bloggers. I hope everyone has had a great week and will carry it over into the days to follow! Happy December.

and I was ALIVE

2010-12-03T21:59:00.000-08:00

December 3 Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

In July of 2010 I decided to conquer one of my greatest fears, I jumped back on the bike. The feeling of the wind as I rode freely down the street was amazing. I hadn't felt so free in all of my life's memory. The day my husband and I rode along the vineyards was like a dream, cars rode by, the sun was shinning, and all of god's little creatures must have been playing through the rows of grapes. I remember how my husband would look back at me to make sure I was okay, his eyes were full of love and pride. He even let me pass him at one point and I felt like a little girl pedaling alone for the very first time. After the lovely day was all said and done I had a sore bum and tired legs to show for all of my hard work. It was the perfect moment when I turned my fears into freedom.

A Moment in Life

2010-12-02T13:53:00.000-08:00

"I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents,

maybe waves at times." -Drew Berrymore

This moment was captured at 8:30 am on December 2nd, 2010.

Location: Monterey, California (36° 36' 1" N / 121° 53' 37" W)

I need new reads.

2010-12-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

Plain and simple, I want to see your blog. The past two months have been absolutly crazy for me, and it has caused me to lose touch with my readers (sorry). If you're here, let me know it. If you have amazing blogs that you cannot get enough of, please leave me links! That is all.

Writing, it's not that serious

2010-12-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

When I first read today's prompt it didn't mean much to me. In fact, my first thought was "Oh boy, day two and I am already uninterested". Then I tried my best to get my mind right and here is what I came up with.

I guess I never really saw "writing" as an important part of my life. When I think of writing, I think of books, essays, news articles, and not necessarily blogs. My blog started as a personal brain dump, not really a thing for other people to read, just a place for me to vent. Now I realize that I am in fact "writing", even if it is just random thoughts and recalling events that happened in my non-impressive life. So, when I thought about my writing in that way, I guess there are things that keep me from writing, but not really so many things that don't contribute to my writing since my writing is about the daily moments of my life.

And to take the things that interfere with typing time, and make them something positive, I will close this post with a list of my favorite ways to procrastinate:

rainy days spent in the corner of a warm coffee shop
hours of DVR'd Parenthood and The Good Wife episodes
cuddle time with a special someone
endless amazing documentaries courtesy of Netflix
wondering the streets with my new best friend
reading other peoples writing efforts via blogspot & wordpress
sorting through old journals and photo albums
reading the latest pregnancy magazines
driving along the coast listening to Erykah Badu
and my all time favorite... spending time making lasting memories with loved ones.

After careful review, there isn't one thing I would change. This little text box will be here when I feel the desire to pound the keys, until then I shall continue to live!

One Word, 2010

2010-12-01T23:55:00.000-08:00

Although I threw a fuss mid-way through my last project, I had decided early on that I wanted to take the NaBloPoMo Challange and blog everyday of December. This is a tough one because everyones Decembers are always hectic, but I am up for the challenge, and then today I ran into Ashley's blog You're the Charlie Browniest and saw another awesome December Project that was very very temping. In fact it was so tempting that I have decided to do a double challenge for myself this month. There was also an amazingily fun sounding photography project on Key's blog, but I figured that would be pushing it.

So for my second official December challange, I am going to take on the #reVerb10. If you haven't hear of this project yet, you can read more about it here: reverb10.com

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

One word you say, how about Turbulent.

This year has had it's up and it's downs, and at no point did I feel that I was in change of what was going on. My only option to survive was to hang on and roll with the punches.

Let's revisit the year. I started the year a housewife, spending my hours crafting, creating, and cooking up dinner. Somewhere along the line I started a temporary job. My husband and I spent the first five months of the year attending weekly adoption classes, and having people rummage through our lives, hoping we would be stamped worthy of parenthood. By the time the summer came around we had lost a close friend, my placement with the company was over, and I was back to being a bum. We were trying to live off of my husbands income and manage a household. Things got tight again, but we managed to stay afloat. Somewhere near the end of summer I got a part-time position offered to me through the company I was working with earlier in the year. We started to workout, I became a vegetarian, I started to read again. Thing were looking up. Then we were thrown for a loop when mid August we found out that I was pregnant. The news was amazing, such a blessing, but we were weeks out from having an adoption placement. This whole thing was a bit stressful, we reviewed our options, and found the best solution. Just went we had regained control, our home was burglarized, and I experienced a vulnerability that I hadn't felt in many years. Since then we have been trying to normalize our life in our violated home, and prepare for a new baby, and becoming full-time employees along with full-time parents.

Life. You never know what it has in store for you, but if I could pick one word that I hope will represent my next year of life, it would have to be JOYOUS. I am praying for a year of new life with our growing little family. A year full of love and many happy memories. As for this year, Turbulent will have to do, at least I will come out of it with a strong stomach.

Oh December!

2010-12-01T19:31:00.001-08:00

WooHoo! It's December and I am ready for all of the madness. To celebrate the arrival of the final month of this year I have decided to make a lovely list of things that I love about December.

Christmas music being played all around me.
Snuggle weather.
Yummy Mexican Hot Chocolate and Conchas.
Comfortable colorful slipper socks.
Neighborhoods lined by twinkly Christmas lights.
Quality family time.
Watching Home Alone with the Hubby.
Awesome Christmas Specials.
Praying and singing around the Nativity on Christmas Eve.
Cheese and Jalapeño Tamales
Wrapping paper fights with the family.
Giving and Receiving Holiday Cards!

What are some of your favorite things about this lovely month?

One day away

2010-11-30T06:33:00.000-08:00

I cannot wait until next month officially rolls in! December is one of my favorite months. I love how so many people are running around thinking of others while shopping with bus loads of people thinking about their loved ones. I love how so many start to think of the homeless, and less fortunate. I love that thousands of people are making lists of way they can improve their lives within the upcoming 12 months. I love the reflection that goes on during this month. I love all of the fun Christmas parties, and fancy holiday dresses. I love the tamale assembly lines that are happening in many latino households. I love that we have a day to celebrate the life and love that Jesus brought into our world. I just really love December!

In preparation for the magical month, I got my shopping all done, presents have been wrapped, and delivered. We have also setup our lovely little Christmas tree, our tiny Nativity Set (one day I will own a beautiful large one), and we are planning to host a fabulous Winterball/Birthday Party for my December Lovelies. There will be more on that to come, I promise.

So for today, I try my best to relax and enjoy the last chilly day in November, and tomorrow when I wake up, December will be in full force!

Turkey Wrap-Up

2010-11-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

This year Thanksgiving had a few little twists and unexpected bumps in the road, but it made for a memorable time spent with the family!

The first unexpected event was not so much an event, but more like an inconvenience. I have been dealing with an off and on cold for the past month, and it just so happened that when it came time to cooking I couldn't control my coughs. As a result, my husband stepped up to head chef in our kitchen and he did it all for me this year. I just had to give him some direction, but most of the hard laboring was done by him! It turned out to be a sweet moment for me, and a little scary one for him. He did a great job with everything, including his very first turkey.

Once the cooking was under control, we headed to a new destination for this years gathering. Most years we have Thanksgiving at my Grandparents house, last year it was at ours, but this year it was at my Tia Rosa's. It was a nice change, but the placement of our group picture made it difficult for me to set my timer, jump over a wall, and join the rest of the fam. Instead of risking a slip, I just stood in front of everyone as they were preparing for the big picture, and I just snapped them as they were. It's kind of funny to have a "blooper" photo, but I will be expecting a copy of the official picture from my aunt.

Even on my father's side of the family, were traditions are rarely changed, we had a little bit of a switch up. The usual plan goes, scripture reading, giving thanks, blessing of the food, and eating. This year it went blessing of the food, eating, waiting for everyone that was missing to arrive, then scripture reading and giving thanks. It was kind of strange standing around the food saying our thanks when the food had already been eaten, but it was still amazing. The one thing that didn't change was the fantastic karaoke that was done!

I hope you all had a fantastic memorable time with your loved ones. For our family to yours, Let the season of love, joy, and giving begin!

Happy Thanksgiving :)

2010-11-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

Every Thanksgiving we travel to my mom's side of the family for Thanksgiving Luncheon, we spend some hours there before heading to my dad's side of the family for Thanksgiving Dinner and end the evening there. It's pretty crazy trying to fit everyone in, but it works out.

Today I would like to share with you guys my favorite Thanksgiving Day Traditions.

On my mom's side, the de Leon's, every year we all gather together, family members and friends, and we take a jumbo family picture. It is so much fun, and such a great memory for us for the year.

2007

2008

2009

and we shall see how this years photo turns out!

On my dad's side, the Montoya's, we have a little different experience. We start off with a scripture reading, and then everyone takes turns saying something that they are thankful for. I remember doing this since I was really really small. I love it, and everyone always gets emotional at some point. After we have a little Thanksgiving Prayer, we all eat up, and then get ready for the talent show, or karaoke. I remember one year when I was a preschooler, my cousin Alex & I sang "La Pulga de San Jose", but lately we have just plugged in the karaoke machine and gone for it.

That isn't a me of course, my cousin Alex and I were much cuter!

2007

2008

2009

What are some of your favorite Thanksgiving Day Traditions?

count your blessings

2010-11-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for...

everyday that I have had the pleasure of living.

the simple pleasure of Tuesday's that are made just for me.

an understanding and unconditional love.

the freedom to express myself with you lovely folks.

mexican hot chocolate on a rainy day.

life and love giving life to love.

amazing bloggers and beautiful photos that keep me inspired.

real raw music that is made with passion.

and all of the people that helped shape me into the crazy twisted pretzel of a woman that I am.

Party at Chevys!

2010-11-18T21:33:00.000-08:00

We had a great time tonight celebrating my father's birthday!

Mom & Dad

The Montoya Clan

My little nephew Elazar after his big meal.

My niece April fed herself lots and lots of Ketchup.

Dad with his Chevy's hat.

Little Elazar with Grandpa's hat.

A Letter to my Father

2010-11-18T12:20:00.000-08:00

Today is my dad's birthday, so in honor of the man that helped bring me into this world, I bring to you this blog post, please be handle with care.

Dad,

It hasn't always been easy being your daughter. There have been many nights that I have stayed up heart broken and in tears because of poor choices that you have made. There have been many days that you were the last person in the world that I wanted to see, and you can bet there have been times that I had no energy to listen to your stories, excuses, and short repeatable apologies. But even with all of those nights, days,and rough times, there has never been a moment in my life, not a single second, that I did not love you with all of my heart. Love is tricky like that.

Despite any and all of your flaws, you are my father, and you have been there for me in the times that I couldn't help but to show my flaws to the world. We are two imperfect people in a world of brokenness, and it was you that taught me how to accept that and make the best of life anyway. I thank you for passing to me your faith, your deep intense love, your passion for music and art, and most of all your watery eyes and bleeding heart, they have become a signature trait of mine.

Now that I am on the brink of parenthood I am both scared and excited. There are many lessons that you have taught me over the years that I cannot wait to teach my child, and there are lessons I have learned because of you that I want to make sure I do not have to teach my child. And in case you didn't know, you are going to have a big job coming up, you are going to be the only grandfather that my child will ever know, and I am going to demand the best out of you. If you thought I was tough on you as a daughter, just wait a few more months, I'll show you high expectations, and I know you can totally live up to them, but I will try to remember to give you some room to continue to grow.

I am adding a little video down here, I think you will understand why I choose this song. This is the song we were supposed to dance to at my wedding, it's the one we sang together when I was little, you would always tell me that you were not only my father, but that you also wanted to always be my friend.

I love you dad, and I would like to wish you another year full of life and love and lessons learned.

Love,
Your Little Girl

Dreams Do Come True

2010-11-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

My life just got a bit better. Take a look.

If I were the boss.

2010-11-16T05:19:00.000-08:00

Assuming I could spend my day as I wished, I would grab this gear and hit the streets with "my camera". Being that I no longer own a camera... we will see what this day turns into.

Unphotographable

2010-11-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

This is a picture I did not take of my husband and I on a Sunday afternoon, while we were in our child's room playing make believe that we were driving along the mountain side headed on our first date. The picture would have been snapped moments after we stumbled across the perfect spot to have our picnic, it happened to be right on the bright green rug that lays inches from the frosty white crib, and below a beautifully painted mural of purple mountains and twinkling stars.
[SNAP]
We look so young, so fresh, so in love and so very full of hope.

inspired by a true event,

the lack of a camera,

and unphotographable.

My Inspiration: Analog Girl in a Digital World

2010-11-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

Erykah Badu

It's a Saturday. One of those days that is made to fulfill your soul's desires.

When I woke up, I happened to check twitter while my husband was still all tucked in bed sleeping (which he still is, I guess his soul desires some sleep). While on twitter I ran into the treading topic of #beforebadu and I knew immediately that I needed to participate in this one because Erykah is one of my all-time favorite artists. The funny part was that I couldn't decide what to spend my 140 characters on. I finally went with:

"#beforebadu "artists" had only touched my ears & swayed my hips #afterbadu i realized the difference between a singer & a true artist".

This is so true for me, Erykah Badu changed my way of experiencing music, life, love, my own self.

Sounds pretty intense huh? But it is the absolute truth. Today my soul has been inspired once again by the mere mention of her name, and it has inspired me to dress freely, love intensely, and dedicated this evening to creative time for me. I have a fantastic birthday that I will be attending this afternoon, but I will now make it a priority to make my way back home early so that I will have an evening free to dip my fingertips in paint, rub my palms across paper and canvas, an evening free to give myself back to me and for me to push it all back between my output and my inner fire.

This is the impact a true artist can have on a person, and that my friends is why this lady will always stay on my list of amazing human beings. In Chicago I always played Back in the Day & Bag Lady at our local bar, and after a 2 year absence I walked back in there and played these songs on the jukebox and was immediately recognized by the bartenders because of it. Her music has become such a big part of who I am, so much so that someone could link me back to her voice years later.

What inspires you? Who has helped you to define the true you?

Imagine all the people living life in PEACE.

2010-11-11T23:37:00.000-08:00

Make every effort to do what leads to peace -Romans 14:19

beauty ♥

2010-11-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

I am spending the afternoon at my mom's with my niece and nephew and we were looking at pictures. I love these pictures of my Grandma Tilly.

(dude, how fly is my grandma - in the blue)

Truth, and goodness, and beauty are but different faces of the same all.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Community

2010-11-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months there has been tons of things going through my mind. The constants are health/safety, education, and culture. I have been trying to figure out what is best for me, for my husband, and for our baby to be.

We moved to Soledad the summer of 2009, I had spend many of my childhood years in this town, at these schools, and I think I turned out just fine. At the time that we decided to go forward with the purchase of our home, we had been searching for a house for a little over half a year, and it was wearing on us. When our house came along, it was cute, cheap, and ready to move into, so it seemed like a dream come true. The first year went by with no problems, then within the past few months something has changed in our neighborhood. In September our home was burglarized, in October there was a murder across the street from our house, and over the past few weeks there has been several instances that I see groups of police cars at different neighbors houses. I am really having a hard time feeling safe. I will no longer stay home alone. On my days off instead of staying home and resting like I really should be doing, I wake up with my husband and spend the day coffee shop hopping for free wi-fi.

My question has been, what am I going to do when we have a baby in the house? Am I going to force the baby to get up early when they could be staying home, and am I going to drag them around town all day with me because I am too afraid to be home? I feel terrible, and STUCK. Because of the home-buyers tax credit, we now have to stay in our home (as a primary residence) for at least three years after purchase, or else we will have to pay $9,000 back to the IRS. That wouldn't be a problem if we had the money, but that tax credit came at a time that I was unemployed and we had no choice but to use it to survive.

That covers the whole safety issue, now on to the education issue. Less than 40% of students that start off in the Soledad School System make it to their high school graduation. The national average is over 80%. 3% of students make it to a two year college, 2% make it to a four year college, and 1% make it to grad school. This is really sad. My husband and I are major fans of education, and I just can't believe that there are parents out there that will not help their kids at least make it through the end of high school. Soledad is such a small town that these percentages are like mind-blowing. PLUS, I found out a few weekends ago that their are currently 33 teenage girls that are pregnant at this moment at my old high school. WHAT THE HECK!?! I am so scared to think that my child will be influenced by these surrounding. I want a community that will help support my child's growth, not a community that will expect the major of it's children to fail.

And now on to culture... Simply put, Soledad's culture is gangs. Hundreds of years later when people are documenting the history and lives our the Salinas Valley's residents they will document gang war, fieldworker, and land owners. I believe that has been the cycle in this area for so very long that I almost have lost all hope for things to change. We can't really blame the youth for falling back into the cycle their parents fell into because the community fails to offer real alternatives. We have no museums, art programs, or community centers that are actually advertising to our families. There aren't very many programs for our kids to participate in other than school sports, and although I love sports, sports aren't for everyone.

I don't know what to do guys. Praise the Lord that my husband has a decent job, and that I have been able to find work, even if it is only part-time and temporary, but is it worth it to give up the job security that we do have and try to find a better place to raise our child? My family is here and I will miss them so much, but do I put that before the other issues that I have mentioned? My husband's hometown has better education ratings, and the cost of living is much lower, but he doesn't want to move there. I would like to move to Mississippi because his mother is all alone out there right now, the only family she has left is a sister. Chicago is always calling to my heart, but finding a job in Chicago is almost impossible.

HELP! I wish I knew how to improve my community, but right now the only power I have over anything is my vote. Problems can be solved when people with clear plans and dedicated hearts take charge, and right now we all have the opportunity to make choices for our communities. Please take advantage of your right to vote, and please take time to pray for our families safety and peace of mind.

So how are you?

2010-10-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

First off I must say ... GO GIANTS! WORLD SERIES BABY!

Now that I have gotten that off of my chest, how is everyone doing? There has been tons of fun stuff going on over here. On Saturday we had a lovely princess party for my nieces April & Aaliyah. They made beautiful birthday girls, and received tons of princess stuff. We baked all evening Friday, into Saturday morning. It was an experience, and I have learned that the only big party I will ever throw for my child will be a quinceañera if we have a girl, or a graduation party. It will have to be when they are old enough to help and clean up after. I wish I had pictures to show you guys, but I am without a camera still.

Sunday we had youth day at our church, I think I was digging it more than our students, but they are coming around. OH MY GOSH! before class we were making name tags for an icebreaker and each name tag had to be a famous persons name... WELL when it came to female names we had such a hard time picking females that we thought were good role models that our students would actually be able to recognize. It made me sad that a lot of kids in our community, in this generation, aren't learning about amazing people in history, or even in current events that are striving for positivity in our world. When we asked one of the students for help she was ready to give us a big list and then when we told her NOT SLUTTY or DRUG ADDICTS then she had maybe three names left.

This brings me to the topic of discussion today, What is going on in this world?

I am going to be real honest and bring the nerd out right now, but when I was in high school I was really into learning about women like Rosa Parks, Barbara Walters, Dolores Huerta, Mother Teresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, Maya Angelou, Harriet Tubman, and many more, these students didn't even know the name of their high school principle. I am not joking about that.

I don't know what it is about the future, but I am scared about the type of world my child will grow up in. People nowadays don't feel the need to learn anymore because if they ever need to know something as "trivial" as the name of their president, who was involved in World War II or what their phone number is all they have to do is pop open their smart phone and look it up. There is no reason for people to learn anything anymore because their smart phones allow them to be dumb. The only problem with that is how can you expect to carry on any type of conversation with a person that knows nothing for themselves and has to reference a machine to get be given an opinion on anything. Don't get me wrong, I love my laptop, my wi-fi, and the magical screens that are Wikipedia, but sites like those require someone to first know the information before typing it in there for everyone else to copy off of, and in a few decades will there be anyone around to write books or internet entries? It's looking more and more like we will only have people searching for shortcut information that they will retain for five minutes and then never think of again.

I am so scared that our youth are losing touch with what the world really is and their minds are just going and going and going and there is no such thing as single tasking because everything is all about speed and instant satisfaction. Have you tried to have a conversation with a teenager lately? There is rarely any eye contact, they are most likely touching their phone, receiving texts, or hiding their hands in their jackets. It's very uncomfortable trying to connect with them. Not only that but there is a real sense of entitlement to EVERYTHING.

I have four brothers, one in particular, who I love just as much as the rest, but he really believes that it is his god given RIGHT to have the newest phone, a personal laptop, ipod, and every other gadget that comes out, if one of the other kids gets something that automatically means he is being treated unfairly if he doesn't receive something too. There is no such thing as EARNING things for him, it is about LOVE, if my parents love me then they will buy me ________. It drives me crazy because in noway are my parents in a position to buy these things without consequence, such as higher credit card bills, loans from family members because when an emergency comes up there is no savings because guess where that extra money went? My parents always were giving. I was never without anything that I really needed and on occasion something just because, but NEVER did I feel that if they didn't buy me something that it meant they stopped loving me, or treating me fairly.

I don't know. I am just a little annoyed with the whole thing that is going around. I don't know whether to blame the children, the parents, the media, our culture, the world... I don't know. But just ponder this for the rest of the day, If every family went back to having one television, one computer, and one car per household, minimum cable, minimum internet and phone plans, if we all moved into home that fit our families and not our families plus three more, the basics level of luxury, we could put together all of that extra money saved and give clean water to every nation. We could feed the hungry. We could clothe the sick and cold. We could stop wars if we learned to share the worlds resources, and if we could learn to treat each other as equals. Call me a socialist, a lunatic, a communist, a hippie, a tree-huger, whatever you'd like, but WHY NOT CHANGE THE WORLD? WHY NOT CARE FOR EACH OTHER AS BROTHERS AND SISTERS? WHY NOT?

Orange October

2010-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

One game away from a trip to the World Series.
I don't know if God digs baseball, but if he does, I bet that God is a Giants fan!

Let's go GIANTS!

tuesday

2010-10-19T08:40:00.000-07:00

A beautiful morning. The blessings of a day off and vacation day used to sleep in and be lazy. It has been a long time since I have been able to lay in bed and watch him sleep. It's not as creepy as it sounds. It's something more like a deep love, a daily miracle that often goes unnoticed, the recovery of the body, the unconscious breaths. He never looked so lovely, so at peace. My first thought when I woke up and felt the large gap between us that we were practicing not squishing the baby. Usually it's not until I am up and about to have breakfast that I remember that I am pregnant, but something about today is just magical. It's as if today was made for us.

The house is silent, a bit cool, and the world seems to be still.

for her smile

2010-10-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the simplest of things can make a girl smile.

the one that i like best from Jessica Bigarel on Vimeo.

Me in 30, The Rest

2010-10-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

The rest of me. In my last post I stated my feelings about how this project has been affecting my mind, so I decided to finish it up in a one-post with the rest of the days that actually interested me.

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Zonin' - Gang Starr
Fan Mail - Little Brother
Golden - Jill Scott
She Said - The Roots
Mi Gente - Marc Anthony
Stress - Organized Konfusion
Lovely Day - Bill Withers
Bonita Applebum - ATCQ
Imagination - Floetry
Dream a Little Dream of Me - Norah Jones

Day 16- Another picture of yourself &

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Jayka - Don't really know where it came from, but I've been called it all my life.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, and I cut myself a lot of slack. I have come to love life for what it is. I have learned to be afraid and how to trust others. I love with all of my heart. I may be a little bit crazy at times, but most of the time I am just happy and at peace.

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Nothing ever stays the same, and you need to be the one making the changes in your own life otherwise you will end up where you have been placed by others.

Unfinished Me

2010-10-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it feels as if my life is a giant collection of unfinished projects. I don't know why it is that I find it so hard to complete projects. I love them. I really do, I spend hours, days, months looking for a project to jump into, only to leave them unfinished in the days to come.

If I took all of my life's works I could hold a whole show about the incompleteness of my creative life. I have paintings, short stories, poems, letters, blogs, photographs that all were meant to be a part of something larger than what their current status is, but they become overwhelming, a little repetitive, and soon my interest in them is gone because it has gone from a chance for me to explore, to some sort of a chore.

Soon every painting, story, poem, letter, blog post, and photograph begin to look alike and all of the inspiration is gone.

Then the feeling on entrapment begins to flood over me and I pull away to the last corner I have left to run to, and I hide for as long as I can stand it.

I am backed up into my corner right now.

My layout was no longer making me happy, these posts were holding me back from posting what I have truly been living, and I hated looking at blogger because I was afraid I would have to write soon, so I've avoided all blogs.

This is not what I want. I want to be free. I want to post about whatever I want to post about.

But I don't want to get left behind on the cute tag blogs or 30 day projects, because some of them are very fun. BUT... they are poison to my creative flow. I must now post new posts that will make me happy. Posts that will represent what I want my blog to be from this moment forward, or until I change my mind once more.

So to find my 30 days of me post you will have to look beyond this post, and I am debating posting one more post with all of the days that I actually was looking forward to posting. We will see.

I AM BACK PEOPLE! ME, JAYKA.

Me in 30, Day Fourteen

2010-10-17T16:24:00.000-07:00

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

de Leon Family - Thanksgiving 2009 - Casa de Taylor

This is a picture of my momma's side of the family last year at Thanksgiving lunch here at our home.

Me in 30, Day Thirteen

2010-10-17T16:15:00.000-07:00

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Not worth my time.

Me in 30, Day Twelve

2010-10-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

I have no clue how I found out about blogger, but back in 2001-2002 I started up a blog based website that I used to code all by html & css. I did that for about five years and I finally got tired of having to pay every year for my domain & hosting packages. Once I gave up on that I started to look into free blogging hosts, and had a LiveJournal, Xanga, Wordpress, Blogger, and about every other blogging site blog. Over time I came to the conclusion that Blogger was easiest to use so I was off and on with blogs on here. This blog came along last year, and I have been doing my best to keep up with it since then.

The main purpose of my blogging 10 years ago was just to use my page as a diary and a way to keep in touch with friends. The purpose of this blog started as therapy, now it's kind of just working as a way for me to document important events in my life. I am aware that my blog needs a face lift, but I am waiting for a bit more inspiration & time to get me going again.

You guys (all three of you) have kept me going these past few rough months, before this blog I never really felt connected to any of my readers, but you guys make me so happy!

Me in 30, Day Eleven

2010-10-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

L-Block Crew!

Val, Tee, Syn, Jes

Nel, Bri, & Jas ♥

10 Years ago these were my best buds,

and today I still love these girls with all of my heart!

Some of us are closer than others,

but they will forever be

MY GIRLS!

Me in 30, Day Ten

2010-10-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Happy: Love of My Life

Sad: Vivir Sin Aire

Bored: I Wanna Be Down (Remix)

Hyper: Jumpin' Jumpin'

Mad: Hate on Me

Me in 30, Day Nine

2010-10-07T17:53:00.000-07:00

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

HARD ONE. I usually find it hard to give myself credit for anything, but here we go.

This week has been wild, and not in a good way, but I am most proud of being able to put my pride aside and reaching out for help. I have been very stressed, and I have taken it upon myself to do what I have to do to make myself better. For me this meant sleeping over at my parents for a night, hanging out with my brothers, and catching a movie with my cousin. I have also spoken up at work and called in to tell them I needed an hour for myself before making it in to work, and rearranged my schedule for the week so that I could have time to take care of things that I needed to. This is big for me because usually I am all about pleasing others and working around other peoples schedules. I am putting me and this baby first and it is helping me alot!

Spin. Spin. Spin.

2010-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

REPEAT. I have been gone. I am not yet back. I will return soon.

Since last month when all our stuff got stolen, I have been fighting with our old home computer, trying to get online. It has been terrible. I need to get a little money together and get a laptop again, that I will NEVER let out of my sight, so that I can return to the regular blogging, and netflixing girl that I used to be. I am sorry for my absence. I have no given up on you all, and I sure hope you have not given up on me. SOON, I will be back to normal.

As far as my life goes, it too has been tough. I am starting to feel better, no more morning sickness, but I still don't have much of an appetite. Maybe I will get around to blogging in the baby blog in the next day or two.

Love you guys.

and that picture is so not my house, but I wish that room was in my house, I LOVE THE WINDOWS!

Me in 30, Day Eight

2010-10-04T19:09:00.000-07:00

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Oh boy! I have so many of those for this month. One goal would have to be to work out this messed up computer situation so that I can return to my blog and to my Netflix. Another goal is to get all of my fall decorations together so that I can feel all warm and cozy. My most exciting goal is to throw a fantastic Princess Party for my nieces at the end of the month! My sister-in-law and I have been dreaming up lots of fun pink and fluffy pretty party stuff. And a goal that I am not so excited about is to get all of our insurance claim thing figured out. Lots of ups and downs last month, but I am ready to make the rest of this year a great one!

Me in 30, Day Seven

2010-10-04T18:58:00.000-07:00

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

This smile. These lips.

This silly guy.

He makes me happy. He showed me how to love me.

Me in 30, Day Six

2010-09-24T10:24:00.000-07:00

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

My favorite superhero has always been Batman.

Batman is like the best superhero that doesn't even have a super power, he's totally just a crazy dude that is kind of a genius, a super detective, gets down with science and technology, and has expensive military toys that he has customized to fit his battle against the super villains of Gotham City. It's simply amazing.

Me in 30, Day Five

2010-09-21T10:37:00.000-07:00

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,

that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,

that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

This little room my dear readers is the room that changed our whole lives as Americans. This picture was taken inside of Independence Hall. For those of you that don't know, I am in love with American History, so last year for my birthday we went on a cross country trip and visited D.C & Philadelphia for the sole purpose of experiencing our country's history. We also made some fun stops in NY & Chicago, but this moment was the highlight of the trip. I could not believe I was standing in the same room that Thomas Jefferson and George Washington stood in, the very room that our Declaration of Independence was signed in. I was walking the streets that Ol' Benjamin Franklin would take strolls down. That was amazing to me. It was such an emotional trip because when we are talking American History, we are also talking about all of the dumb stuff that people thought was okay back in the day, like slavery and a woman being property, not having any real value, but we are also talking about the changes and progression that we have made since then. I hope that one day soon people will be able to say that we have moved passed being idiots about Gay Rights and recognized them as Human Rights, Civil Liberties that everyone should have, not just people that choose to love who the country as a mass thinks is the right person. Freaking American man, I love you and dislike you all at the same time.

See my travelpod blog from our trip. It has mobile pictures and short descriptions that I was uploading along our trip.

Me in 30, Day Four

2010-09-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

I wish that I could stop being so darn emotional sometimes. I was doing good with thinking things out and realizing that my world would not end over small little problems, but since this baby has been growing in me and my hormones have been all over the place I just have not been able to be a rational human. It becomes a problem when I can't let things go because I am too busy analyzing every aspect of it. I wish I could just relax.

Me in 30, Day Three

2010-09-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

The best friends a girl can have :)

Me in 30, Day Two

2010-09-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name

Hey Jayka: Proof of Life... Well Jayka has been my nickname since I was a child, so heyjayka just kind of fell together to keep it plain and simple. The tagline Proof of Life is just that, years later I may be blogging I may not be, I may be alive, I may not be, but what I share here will be proof of the type of life that I am living on the daily. Years later I hope to turn my blog posts into a journal type of printed book to keep and pass on as my personal diary.

Me in 30, Day One

2010-09-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

if I could live in any time period I would only go back a few years and be a war protesting hippie!
when I get hungry I get so frustrated that I will just give up on eating all together. I hate to pick.
I'm the type of girl to pick a pair of sneakers over the most expensive pair of heals. comfort.
when I met my husband for the first time I he went from friend to love of my life in the blink of an eye.
I graduated from tech school and can build computers out of little chips and wires.
growing up I have always wanted to be on Jeopardy, thanks to Rosie Perez.
I have trained karate off and on since I have been old enough to move. My family teaches karate.
Jesus is my role model, so I teach Catechism to high school students to spread his love around.
Chicago stole my heart in 2006 and I have been dreaming of moving back ever since.
spending time with my family is one of my favorite things to do. I love when we play Scrabble.
for my 28th b-day I turned vegetarian and started working out, one month later I got pregnant.
there is a baby growing in my uterus after doctors told me it would not happen. Pretty cool stuff.
one day I want to vacation in Costa Rica and hang out at the beach all day long.
I can eat Nutella on A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G until my teeth start hurting.
things can rattle my world, but nothing can shake the faith out of me. Keep pushing.

Jayka in Thirty

2010-09-17T07:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks to many great people, like Lala & Keys, I waited my turn to feature 30 days of ME! I am warning you now, I cannot guarantee that they will be consecutive days because I no longer have my trusty laptop, but I will try my best. Because I took so much time in the shower this morning I will be back at the end of the day to post day one.

**side note** my layout is not complete yet so sorry for all the missing info and blank spots, if time permits this weekend I will fix it up for you. Now returning to the 30 day project. It will go a little something like this...

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blog name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Your favorite song.

Objectified

2010-09-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

I shop. I redesign. I re-purpose. I throw away. Most of the time without much thought.

Today I watched a film called Objectified and it is all about the design and purpose of the objects we buy. The film was pretty interesting, very inspiring, and also thought provoking. I didn't expect that last one. The film ends with the famous scenario, What would you grab if your house was burning down, and it was then that I realized that all of the custom designs, expensive electronics, or daily tools would not be important. So then, what is the point? Why change out home decor with the seasons, why upgrade to a new TV or Cell Phone? Do we really feel that is what we deserve, or should treat ourselves to?

How many of us have a bucket list that we think we will never finish? How many of us want to travel? How many of us what to buy homes? How many of us what to donate money to a charity that really matters to us? How many of us feel these dreams are impossible? Now, How many of us spent our last check, or bonus buying a new outfit, or bigger TV? If the house was burning down those are not the things we would try to save, so why do we take from our other dreams to buy into these advertised lifestyles!

The film is good, and designers they speak to are great. I enjoyed the film, and got a lot more out of it than I had ever imagined.

Materialism is the only form of distraction from true bliss. --Doug Horton

And to answer the question, I would grab:
my husband
our dog
our hard drive (the only place I have wedding pictures)
my postcards
and my guitar

Read the Labels People!

2010-08-31T22:47:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the grocery store and I cannot believe how hard yet easy it is to spend a little and bring home a lot, and not just a lot, but a lot of healthy stuff! First off it is incredible how high fructose corn syrup finds it way into everything, but the only thing I let it slip in with was my freaking whole wheat bread. Why there needs to be HFCS in whole wheat bread, I do not know, but other than that I was able to say no to the rest of the stuff I was about to pull into our cart. On top of that accomplishment I was very happy to get our grocery bill back under $30. This month will be a tough one for us financially because we spent all of our overflow on stuff for the house last month, so saving every cent we can is super important. And thanks to a refresher with "Skinny Bitch" I totally came home with minimal dairy in my cart, this is big people, I am a cow addict. I was totally just so proud of myself that I needed to share this, yup Imma dork.

Sleepy time now :)

So SORRY

2010-08-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

Guys I am so sorry for being M.I.A. lately! I have been extremely tired and super busy. Put the two together and you get a girl napping with any free time she can get, or babysitting two babies. Anywho, here I am \(*v*)/

I wanted to share with you guys a prayer that really touched me this weekend, and since I wasn't here for Spiritual Sunday, this post will have to do.

The prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

This prayer touched me because the real message behind it all is to humble yourself and allow yourself to be used as an instrument for others that may not have a way to make it one their own. My weekend was beyond hectic, I babysat my niece and nephew, and had a lot of other stuff I wanted to get done, but being with the kids really gave me a way to be that instrument for them. Babies can't do very much on their own, and to be the arms that comforted, the hand that fed, the arms that reached, the fingers that tickled, and the heart that loved was such a blessing for me. All that I was able to give of myself, they filled back in me so many times over.

I hope you guys had a great weekend, and have a blessed week :)

Back at it AGAIN

2010-08-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

Okay guys sorry for just dropping that news on you and then running to hide, lol. In case you missed the last post, I am pregnant, and started a pregnancy blog. I figured I would start a separate place for all that baby talk because as the months progress I am sure my obsession with my seed will as well, and I don't want to bore you out of your mind with baby talk unless you want me too.

As for my regular blog, this one, I hope to keep it as updated as can be. For the past month almost I have been dragging my feet everywhere I go. I am so exhausted all of the darn time, making a baby is no easy job. I read that I am using up the equivalent amount of energy as a person running a marathon, DAILY. What the heck is up with that!? So I will blame it on the bump (that is not showing yet)!

Other than all the baby news, we are getting ready to head back to Sunday School!!! We have been having a ton of meetings getting ready for the upcoming year. This year our annual retreat will be totally put together by US, not the team that we have hired the past couple of years. This is both very exciting and a little stressful because it takes so much work to put these things together, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Next month we have our first class and I get to meet all of our new students, my brother Anthony should be in our class, but he was talking about possibly dropping out of the program, so we will have to wait and see. I really hope he goes, it would be my first time having one of my brothers as a student. I think after my youngest brother passes through the program I will retire.

In other news, my aunt is moving to freaking FRANCE at the end of the week, and I am beyond excited for her. She is doing a semester in international business or something like that. It's so crazy the things people can accomplish when they set their goals a little higher than people expect them too. I am so proud of her, she had dropped out of college a few years back, maybe more than a few, but she recently picked up her backpack and got back on the grind and she is doing it. I love that I have such positive role models in my life.

I guess that is where I will end this post today, I am a little sleepy and it's almost time to get some dinner together before family prayer night. I hope know that I know what is "wrong" with me I will be able to be a little less irritable, and hopefully this extreme exhaustion wears off quickly so that I can get back to my happy little self again. Thanks for dealing with the crazy mood swings the past weeks, it's another one of those "Blame it on the Bump" things.

Love you guys for sticking it out, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE head over to the pregnancy blog and make sure to vote in the weekly Name Game Poll!!! I am pouring my little emotional heart out over there.

http://flowersormud.blogspot.com

Love & New Life

2010-08-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Today I enjoyed mass with a ton of family members. It was a special occasion, my parents 30th Wedding Anniversary. It was pretty awesome seeing them get their special little blessing and everyone being around them clapping. I couldn't help but image how Anthony & I will be twenty-seven years from now. I guess Anthony was thinking along the same lines because as my parents stood up at the alter he turned to me and said, when we have our 30th anniversary we will have a twenty-six/twenty-seven year old child. I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.

As we were there celebrating the love between my parents, inside I was still celebrating the miracle of life that is growing within me. That is right folks, I am pregnant. This week has been so emotionally charged and now I understand why.

The power that has overcome me is beyond belief. I have never felt so indebted to my Lord as I am now. I am some how spiritually drained and re-energized all in one.

Because I am babysitting tonight I don't have much time to post, but I did want to leave you with a link to my brand new blog, and the only other blog I will be working on for the next eight months. I am temporarily closing the duckmonk & love.laugh.shoot. blogs.

To read our pregnancy post, and follow our journey please visit FLOWERS OR MUD!

It's your life. You make it happen.

2010-08-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

top 10 reasons why i love my life...

i have an incredible husband who loves me with all of his soul

our house turns into paradise for two when we close the door

every time i feel like i cant, i learn that i can

god has blessed me with enough to sustain a healthy family

i can watch the sunrise over the mountains from my bed

i have finally learned that i cannot fix everyone else and it has freed me

hope keeps popping up in the most unsuspecting ways

i live in a country where i make my decisions, good or bad

my family has shown me the joy in having strong faith

i am a pretty amazing person, i am a fine admitting that now

I love it when you smile.

2010-08-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

i spent time with my church friends last night.

i got more adopting paperwork done last night.

i cleaned some of our house yesterday.

i slept upside down in bed last night.

i turned on our heater this morning.

and i am planning a shopping day tomorrow.

greatness is all around me :)

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

2010-08-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Where am I? For the past three months I have been feeling like I have been running through a maze trying to find my way. All that I can do is look up because what is in front of me and what I have left behind appear to be made of the same, and what is below me I cannot see. When I gaze upward I see the sun rising and setting and I know that the days are going by but I feel lost in them as well. It's almost like I can sense that I am near the outlet but I no longer have the energy needed to search for it. It is lonely in this maze, no friends, no loved ones, no rescue team. Everyone else seems to have found their way through it but me. For some reason this is a challenge I must face alone, but I don't know how.

Faith is something that I held onto so tightly for as long as I can remember, but believing something to be the truth and feeling that you are living in that truth are two different things. I struggle to make my spirit and soul happy. I believe strongly in the Holy Trinity, but is it really the only way. I yearn for more, and I know deep down that no religion alone will satisfy my desire to feel connected, to feel inter-weaved with all of the other fabrics of life, but even when I have given all that I felt I could give of myself, I still am not feeling embraced by the light like I have experienced before. Why am I so empty? Where has my passion gone? What can I do to get back the explosive joy that used to come from sharing scripture, from celebrating traditions? How am I going to pick up and teach this coming year if I myself am lost?

I don't want to give up. I don't want to lay defeated. I have tasted the goodness of a spiritually full life and to live with anything less than that passion I once had would be the equivalent of not living. I thirst for clarity in this desert of mine, but maybe my previous experiences were all just a mirage to begin with.

Simple Goals

2010-08-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

Four simple goals to accomplish before 2011.

1. Redesign our bedroom and clean out my closet.
2. Continue working on my Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook.
3. Attend a San Francisco 49ers game.
4. Develop the pictures from my fish-eye camera.

thanks Elsie :)

Trust with all of your heart.

2010-08-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

It has been another crazy weekend at Casa de Taylor. This weekend we decided to repaint our living area, and for the first time I was frightened by color. Saturday I felt so overwhelmed by it all but as usual my family came over and helped save us. Today we had to touch up one of our colors that was being very difficult, and after the first five minutes I had to lock myself in the restroom and collect my thoughts and emotions.

Once I reemerged my husband was right there waiting to give me a hug. I realized at that moment that this was my chance to truly own the "spiritual" part of Spiritual Sundays. After that we took the painting our own way, slowly, we turned up the volume on our little stereo, and just got going. I took sometime to do a little painting for our living room, and it was amazingly peaceful.

I felt like I really took a moment to chill out, asked my God to give me some peace, and moved on slowly. Sometimes all we need is to lay back and put things into God's hands.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,

and lean not on your own understanding.

Remember the Lord in everything you do,

and he will make your path straight"

Proverbs 3:5-6

Pray or Prey

2010-08-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

I wish I could lay in bed all day today.
Not a good morning so far.
I must make it a better day.

my reflection in light

2010-08-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

On this day three years ago...

I woke up with Pepto Bismol and a Sprite.

I had a trillion people at my apartment getting ready.

I hid behind a wall at the church until Anthony was making his way to the alter.

I had my grandma's rosary tied around my bouquet of flowers.

I was so nervous at church you would have thought I just committed murder.

I was married in Gods house to the man of my dreams.

Anthony took a swig of Jack Daniels with our godfather on the way to the reception.

I put myself before other peoples drama.

I was a bridezilla for about 10 mins total.

I had a fantastic first dance to THE LIGHT - Common & Erykah Badu.

My fresh out the chapel husband had a dance battle with our flower girls.

Friends and Family showed us so much support and love.

I danced the night away under the stars atop a beautiful mountain overlooking the entire valley.

I became the happiest woman alive.

I was presented for the first time as Mrs. Anthony Curtis Taylor.

On this day three years ago I was the princess,

and everyday since then I have been his queen.

and because I love our song SO VERY MUCH Imma have to post it up again

Away I go

2010-08-10T13:32:00.000-07:00

Off to spend the evening with a couple of my favorite guys,

watching a sport I only find interesting while behind a glove,

or in a beautiful ballpark.

Let's go GIANTS !-!-!!-!

The power of tres

2010-08-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back:

first kiss
purity
childhood

Three things in life that may never be lost:

love
faith
will

Three things in life that are most valuable:

self-worth
true love
forgiveness

Three things that make a man / woman:

integrity
free spirit
open mind

Three things in life that can destroy a man / woman:

greed
lust
hate

Three things to give away everyday:

happiness
compassion
blessings

Three things that are truly constant:

the father
the son
the holy spirit

Ramadan

2010-08-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

This year I will be participating in a variation of Ramadan. I am not Muslim, but I believe that this type of fasting and prayer can be very helpful to anyone. If you are unaware of what Ramadan is you can read up about it on wikipedia or any other site. The overall concept of Ramadan is to fast (food and drink) during the daylight hours of the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, this year it falls August 11th - September 9th, you wake up before dawn and have your first meal of the day, and then at the time of the fourth prayer of the day (or sunset) you can resume eating until the following morning at sunrise. You are also to refrain for "dirty actions" during the daylight hours. It is encouraged that you use that time to purify yourself with self restraint and good deeds.

I personally am a Christian, but I feel as though we are all one people, there is no reason to separate ourselves based on the color of our skin, the location of our birth, and definitely not based on the name of the God that we worship. There is something so beautiful about each culture and I am the type of person to explore those beauties and take inspiration from everywhere I can. The beauty of Islam is unknown to many because we have been taught to fear it, we have been told that our God is the one and only God and that everyone else was wrong. The way I see it, as long as people are living loving, peaceful, lives and are trying to make a positive impact on their world, then they have it right.

I offer this season to all of you as a way to become globally connected with millions of other people around the world that will be fasting along with you. It is a beautiful experience and although the first few days are tough because you are going against your routine, it is very rewarding (spiritually) when you turn your desires into prayerful and reflective time.

The birth of Spiritual Sundays

2010-08-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

It's late ya'll but I wanted to get this posted tonight. I was driving along Highway 1, headed to the Big Sur River, admiring all of the beauty God has blessed us with when I decided that I wanted to speak out on my blog about this beautiful gift. Spiritual Sundays was born the moment I saw the lighthouse peaking out of the rocks along the road, and I plan to bring it to my blog any Sunday I have a chance to.

My first post is pretty much this video below. This new feature is all about making your soul feel alive, reaching out past your bubble and acknowledging the goodness of life that we all have been blessed with.

Sorry about the poor quality of the video, it's not the camera, I was playing it cheap with the file size.

“This is the day the Lord has made.

We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

(Psalm 118:24 )

Reviving the energy

2010-08-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today we jumped on our bikes and took a nice ride along the vineyards. It was so beautiful out, and I loved the fresh breeze as we passed rows and rows of juicy grapes (it's almost harvesting time). Some of life's greatest moments come to us in the hidden beauty of our daily routine.

When we got home we got our workout in and then I did a little reading. I have a book called Fabulous Friendship Festival and it is full of creative and positive friendship related stuff. I visited the authors website which lead me to call her inspiration hotline @ (415) 546-3742. The website is full of fun stuff and colorful words, and the hotline was kinda kooky yet totally awesome.

Today has been a day dedicated to getting my mind right and pulling back my positives vibes. I hope you all are having a great weekend!

I wanna fly away

2010-08-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

I am aching to redesign some of the space in our home, and I have been browsing around for inspiration. Just this morning I ran into this beautiful and oh-so-simple cabin on Apartment Therapy and I am so in love. I have been telling my husband that I would love to buy a tiny piece of land somewhere along the backroads between our town and Big Sur, and I want to build a getaway cabin. I think we have the know how and support to get it done, it's just about finding a piece of land in this area that won't cost us too much. Anywho, check out this beauty!

view full house tour

More beautiful homes:

Bright white guest cottage

Colorful Delight

Tiny Peekaboo