The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011

10.17.2010

Unfinished Me

Sometimes it feels as if my life is a giant collection of unfinished projects. I don't know why it is that I find it so hard to complete projects. I love them. I really do, I spend hours, days, months looking for a project to jump into, only to leave them unfinished in the days to come.

If I took all of my life's works I could hold a whole show about the incompleteness of my creative life. I have paintings, short stories, poems, letters, blogs, photographs that all were meant to be a part of something larger than what their current status is, but they become overwhelming, a little repetitive, and soon my interest in them is gone because it has gone from a chance for me to explore, to some sort of a chore.

Soon every painting, story, poem, letter, blog post, and photograph begin to look alike and all of the inspiration is gone.

Then the feeling on entrapment begins to flood over me and I pull away to the last corner I have left to run to, and I hide for as long as I can stand it.

I am backed up into my corner right now.

My layout was no longer making me happy, these posts were holding me back from posting what I have truly been living, and I hated looking at blogger because I was afraid I would have to write soon, so I've avoided all blogs.

This is not what I want. I want to be free. I want to post about whatever I want to post about.

But I don't want to get left behind on the cute tag blogs or 30 day projects, because some of them are very fun. BUT... they are poison to my creative flow. I must now post new posts that will make me happy. Posts that will represent what I want my blog to be from this moment forward, or until I change my mind once more.

So to find my 30 days of me post you will have to look beyond this post, and I am debating posting one more post with all of the days that I actually was looking forward to posting. We will see.

I AM BACK PEOPLE! ME, JAYKA.

2 comments:

elizabeth said...

i know how you feel! i've had days like that too but you'll be fine. you have an amazing husband and baby on the way :D

LaLa said...

Remember this IS YOUR BLOG, mama don't ever post something because you feel the NEED of others, do what's in your heart and head and you wont ever be wrong, I love you blog, reading your thoughts and things that are special to YOU!! That's what a blog is all about! I love you my dear friend and I'm so happy and excited that you are back!!1