The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011


Because I deserve to be happy.

Last week I made the decision to become vegetarian. This week I made the decision to join Weight Watchers Online and take on the 30 Day Shred Challenge.  Let me start by saying this is not a matter of fitting in a fantasy idea of what a woman should be, these changes are necessary steps that I need to take to help me be a healthier me. The truth is I am 100 pounds over the healthy weight for someone of my built, and I have spent the last year and a half eating junk and feeling sorry for myself. Those habits have kept me from growing stronger, being happier, and living my life to it's fullest potential. I refuse to be a victim anymore. I want to be in charge of my future, and this is the way that I am going to accomplish my goals.

Although I had a great time at the amusement park this weekend, our trip was shadowed by "will I break it", "can I fit in there" and "I bet they are thinking I shouldn't be on here", I want these voices out of my head, and away from my heart. Thoughts like these haunt me, and these are reason why I must make this change.

I have already noticed a difference in myself. Knowing that I am taking positive steps towards a healthy lifestyle has given me such a confidence and peace of mind. I am not the type to share about my weight issues, but ignoring them is what has gotten me 100 pounds overweight, so please be gentle with me, I am still learning and I am bound to make mistakes along the way. I have no real intention on losing the 100 pounds, but I do hope to build a strong body that can get me up and down stairs, dancing, and playing with our future children without needing a break every five minutes.

I love myself enough to put myself first.

It is about so much more than just weight right now, I need to take care of my soul. I am the type of person that likes to help others. I, by nature, put other people before me, feel everyone's pain, and internalize everything around me. Because of my personality, I easily become distressed and depressed. Another giant step I am taking is making time for myself and what makes me happy. I have a cognitive behavioral workbook I used to use when I was in therapy, and it help me out a lot then, I vow to start using that book again. I also have to recognize situations that put me in a bad place and will try to avoid them for my own well being, so I apologize in advance to those folks that I may begin to draw away from, right now I have to take care of myself.

I will take all the advice and resources that I can get my hands on, so join me, cheer for me, wish me luck. I will need your support.


Elizabeth said...

This is amazing Jayka! i am so happy for you :)

this is a big step and i am here for you 100%

JAY-J!™ NGUYEN said...

You are so right... This is definitely a huge step, but I believe that you can make it through this. I am definitely proud of you. :]

brandi said...

I have been reading your blog for some time now and this post really hit home. I am over 100 pounds overweight and recently made the decision to become vegetarian...after reading Skinny Bitch about 2 weeks ago. I can totally relate to EVERYTHING you are going through...because I myself am feeling the exact same way. I applaud you. You inspire me.

Ashley R said...

I, too, am overweight and am trying to make the changes necessary in my life. I'm so glad that you're doing it for your own health and your own future, not for superficial reasons. This is a big step, and I wish you the best of luck! We'll be here to support you all the way :)

jayka :) said...

Girls that means a lot :)

LaLa said...

My Jayka I'm super proud of you love! From someone who has been where are you please let me tell you do not going into this "thinking weight loss" "sizes and pounds" because you wont stick with it, it will be like a diet! You have to really begin to see this as a life style CHANGE, complete total make-over of the way you live, think, feel, act, eat, sleep, and everything else will fall into place, I promise. People ask me constantly, "so how much weight have you lost" I say "I don't know, I haven't a clue, I don't weigh myself, I'm not doing this (being vegan and working out) to lose weight, I'm doing this to be a better person, have a healthy heart and a joyful attitude, I'm doing this for my son, so I can live a long life, play with him, I'm doing this to feel good about me and my body and what I put in it and how I take it out! I'm by NO means 'trying' to lose weight, I love myself the way I am" and the truth is I am if I lose weight fine if not I'm still fine because I love my curves and shape but one damn thing is for sure I bet I can out run a girl who is a size two, who eats meat, drinks, smokes, and never works out! It's about taking about of YOU so you care take care of others, believe that in your soul mama and this wont be hard at all! I'm always here for you! and know that anything you do for 20 days straight becomes a habit, good luck and remember YOU are ALREADY BEAUTIFUL! <3