Last week I made the decision to become vegetarian. This week I made the decision to join Weight Watchers Online and take on the 30 Day Shred Challenge. Let me start by saying this is not a matter of fitting in a fantasy idea of what a woman should be, these changes are necessary steps that I need to take to help me be a healthier me. The truth is I am 100 pounds over the healthy weight for someone of my built, and I have spent the last year and a half eating junk and feeling sorry for myself. Those habits have kept me from growing stronger, being happier, and living my life to it's fullest potential. I refuse to be a victim anymore. I want to be in charge of my future, and this is the way that I am going to accomplish my goals.
Although I had a great time at the amusement park this weekend, our trip was shadowed by "will I break it", "can I fit in there" and "I bet they are thinking I shouldn't be on here", I want these voices out of my head, and away from my heart. Thoughts like these haunt me, and these are reason why I must make this change.
I have already noticed a difference in myself. Knowing that I am taking positive steps towards a healthy lifestyle has given me such a confidence and peace of mind. I am not the type to share about my weight issues, but ignoring them is what has gotten me 100 pounds overweight, so please be gentle with me, I am still learning and I am bound to make mistakes along the way. I have no real intention on losing the 100 pounds, but I do hope to build a strong body that can get me up and down stairs, dancing, and playing with our future children without needing a break every five minutes.
I love myself enough to put myself first.
It is about so much more than just weight right now, I need to take care of my soul. I am the type of person that likes to help others. I, by nature, put other people before me, feel everyone's pain, and internalize everything around me. Because of my personality, I easily become distressed and depressed. Another giant step I am taking is making time for myself and what makes me happy. I have a cognitive behavioral workbook I used to use when I was in therapy, and it help me out a lot then, I vow to start using that book again. I also have to recognize situations that put me in a bad place and will try to avoid them for my own well being, so I apologize in advance to those folks that I may begin to draw away from, right now I have to take care of myself.
I will take all the advice and resources that I can get my hands on, so join me, cheer for me, wish me luck. I will need your support.