Guest Blogger: Tom H. from ninjainamazda.blogspot.com
It started with a look; a slightly judgmental, slightly protective, completely skeptical look when Katie was in the other room. Overall, the first time my mom met Katie went pretty well. We got tipsy the night my mom arrived in Boise, Katie and I drinking our Always Smooth Never Bitter Keystone Light, and my mom drinking her token Bacardi 151 and Coke. We chatted, played cards, and stayed up too late. The next morning, Mom was up early and we were hung-over.
Feeling groggy, but guilty because Mom was now doing our dishes, I dragged myself out to the kitchen.
MOM: Good morning Sonny Boy. How are you feeling?
shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, shitty, mouth tastes shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty
TOM: OK, you?
MOM: Peachy. I was up at four, had some toast, and I’ve just been relaxing a little bit. What time did you guys finally get to bed?
headache, shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, shitty, coffee, headache, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee
MOM: I hope you are ready to shop today; Penney’s is having a sale – 50% off stuff with red tags.
Need sleep, shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, shitty, coffee, headache, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, sleep
Three hours, three showers, and three pots of coffee later, and three partially functioning brains were on the way to the mall.
The mall offered what it always does, all which serve as repellants as far as I’m concerned. The combination of a lingering hangover and the mall parking lot sounded about as appealing as getting that swab thing stuck in your pee hole for a STD test. We settled for a spot at the back of the parking lot next to a Suburban that was taking up its entire spot and part of ours. Once inside, my mom was like a salesman trying to buy us American flag towel sets and pointing out that we needed a new small frying pan. Katie and I wandered around half interested in the half off tags and half able to calculate the prices of things with various discounts. Katie, as always, was in search of new pants and things that were at least 70% off. She found a few things and headed to the dressing room.
KATIE: How do these look?
Ass looks weird and makes you look stumpy
TOM: Your ass looks weird and they make you look stumpy.
She shut the dressing room door.
MOM: You love her don’t you?
three hours in the air.i can be happy again.i can take care of you again.by means other than a pen.cook you hamburger helper,without hamburger...of course.if my happiness is ever in question.for you a mirror reveals the source.happily i walk with you.happily i talk with you.happily i sleep with you .happily i dream of you.you are a dream come true.i can do nothing but,wish i was with you.every minute of the day .i love you more than life itself.you are my rhyme and reason.you are winter,spring,summer, and fall happily i walk with you.where ever you want to go.happily i talk with you.whatever you speak of that day.happily i sleep with you.and we sleep all day.happily i dream of you.how much do i have to say.you are a dream come true.in every single way…you are every season i wanna talk with you.cause thats what lovers do.i wanna know whats in your soul.i wanna know what lets you go.t-t-t-tell me whats your greatest fear.so I can whisper."thats my worst fear, too".katie, can't you see.its so obvious to me.lets take a walk.gimme a chance to explain.t-t-t-tell you whats my greatest fear.so you can whisper."i'm not going anywhere" …you are a dream turned real.to a love starved soul.you are a seven course meal.i was expecting a snack.but you just kept me coming back.no, i will not be satisfied.until i feast.on everything behind your eyes.what I have seen.has fueled my appetite.my life's now driven.by the need for another bite.your love alone will feed me.your heart the main ingredient.in my happy life's recipe.your mind, heart, and soul.stirred together.i am your mixing bowl.i need you and you need me.in my happy life's recipe.
TOM: You can’t drag me around JC Penney all day and ask me questions like that. You only get one and you made your choice this morning.
Yeah, I love her…and I want some Jack in the Box.