The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011



Guest Blogger: Tom H. from

It started with a look; a slightly judgmental, slightly protective, completely skeptical look when Katie was in the other room. Overall, the first time my mom met Katie went pretty well. We got tipsy the night my mom arrived in Boise, Katie and I drinking our Always Smooth Never Bitter Keystone Light, and my mom drinking her token Bacardi 151 and Coke. We chatted, played cards, and stayed up too late. The next morning, Mom was up early and we were hung-over.
Feeling groggy, but guilty because Mom was now doing our dishes, I dragged myself out to the kitchen.

MOM: Good morning Sonny Boy. How are you feeling?
shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, shitty, mouth tastes shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty

TOM: OK, you?

MOM: Peachy. I was up at four, had some toast, and I’ve just been relaxing a little bit. What time did you guys finally get to bed?
headache, shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, shitty, coffee, headache, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee

TOM: hhmmmmm…3ish?

MOM: I hope you are ready to shop today; Penney’s is having a sale – 50% off stuff with red tags.

Need sleep, shitty, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, shitty, coffee, headache, shitty, shitty, headache, coffee, sleep

Three hours, three showers, and three pots of coffee later, and three partially functioning brains were on the way to the mall.

The mall offered what it always does, all which serve as repellants as far as I’m concerned. The combination of a lingering hangover and the mall parking lot sounded about as appealing as getting that swab thing stuck in your pee hole for a STD test. We settled for a spot at the back of the parking lot next to a Suburban that was taking up its entire spot and part of ours. Once inside, my mom was like a salesman trying to buy us American flag towel sets and pointing out that we needed a new small frying pan. Katie and I wandered around half interested in the half off tags and half able to calculate the prices of things with various discounts. Katie, as always, was in search of new pants and things that were at least 70% off. She found a few things and headed to the dressing room.

KATIE: How do these look?
Ass looks weird and makes you look stumpy

TOM: Your ass looks weird and they make you look stumpy.

KATIE: Damn.
She shut the dressing room door.

MOM: You love her don’t you?
three hours in the air.i can be happy again.i can take care of you means other than a pen.cook you hamburger helper,without hamburger...of course.if my happiness is ever in question.for you a mirror reveals the source.happily i walk with you.happily i talk with you.happily i sleep with you .happily i dream of are a dream come true.i can do nothing but,wish i was with you.every minute of the day .i love you more than life are my rhyme and are winter,spring,summer, and fall happily i walk with you.where ever you want to go.happily i talk with you.whatever you speak of that day.happily i sleep with you.and we sleep all day.happily i dream of much do i have to are a dream come every single way…you are every season i wanna talk with you.cause thats what lovers do.i wanna know whats in your soul.i wanna know what lets you go.t-t-t-tell me whats your greatest I can whisper."thats my worst fear, too".katie, can't you see.its so obvious to me.lets take a walk.gimme a chance to explain.t-t-t-tell you whats my greatest you can whisper."i'm not going anywhere" …you are a dream turned a love starved are a seven course meal.i was expecting a snack.but you just kept me coming, i will not be satisfied.until i feast.on everything behind your eyes.what I have seen.has fueled my life's now the need for another bite.your love alone will feed me.your heart the main my happy life's recipe.your mind, heart, and soul.stirred together.i am your mixing bowl.i need you and you need my happy life's recipe.

TOM: You can’t drag me around JC Penney all day and ask me questions like that. You only get one and you made your choice this morning.

MOM: Prick.

I smiled.

Yeah, I love her…and I want some Jack in the Box.

1 comment:

Jayka said...

You are crazy! and awesome! and I love this story!

Hope you guys had a fantastic valentines day.

thanks for sharing your story :)