The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011

2.09.2010

LOVE STORIES 2010

Guest Blogger: Amy from Windy City Whimsy

It appears that Prince Charming is dead. He is dead because I have yet to meet him. Instead, the King's Evil Brothers keep showing up in his place in an attempt to fool me into thinking that they are the real Prince. And along their way to meet me, the Evil Brothers make a stop at the Fairy Godmothers house to purchase some foolery dust which they blow into my face upon the first hello and I am then tricked. I am tricked into thinking I like them, tricked into seeing a future together, tricked into thinking they are the one. I'm tricked in all aspects until...until the clock strikes twelve and the magic wears off and I take off my glass slippers and beat the Evil Brothers over the head before sending them away in the giant rotting pumpkin carriage to the Land of Don't Ever Call Me Again.

Once upon a time I had hope. I had hope that even after all of the King's Evil Brothers had tried their hand my Prince Charming would still be out there, still taking down dragons and killing evil witches all as part of his quest to get to me. However, it appears that he has been hit by a truck or something. Because he just isn't coming.

I know, I know! I sound so bitter right? So pessimistic. So doubtful. So hopeless. But, alas that is how I feel: pessimistic, doubtful, hopeless. Because SERIOUSLY! I've had about all I can stand of the King's Evil Brothers! The ones I like and consider going over to the dark side for don't like me back and the rest are just...well the rest just suck one big fat magic wand.

This Princess is pissed. This Princess is fed up with it all and she swears that if one more little birdie chirp chirps in her ear about "Don't give up!" or "You're still so young!" or "It will happen when you least expect it!" that she will drop kick those little birdies high into the sky and send them on their way to join the King's Evil Brothers in the Land of Don't Ever Call Me Again. So back off featherbrains...

I'm wondering what can be done about it all. I'd like very much so not to turn into a wicked Queen so how about some compensation for all of my suffering? Is there someone we can sue?

I've been suffering from extreme emotional distress, false imprisonment in the Land of Losers and negligence on the part of my Fairy Godmother who is SO not doing her job! Let's also throw in defamation of character, seduction, fraud, breach of confidence, false light, and conspiracy because those sound good too.

But who will the Defendant be? The Wizard of Oz? Is he the one behind it all? Or is it Voldemort? I never did like him much and the sky has been looking kind of funny lately...

How about I just sue them both?!

Sounds good to me! In the meantime, this pissed off Princess is going to hold herself up in her castle and let her Army of Cats guard her from further disturbance. Try to cross the moat into my castle and I'll order the Cat Army to claw your eyes out. Meow! Hiss!

I mean, it's not like I'm asking for the world. It's not like I'm asking for that two carat $32,000 Tiffany Legacy engagement ring. It's not like I'm asking for Prince Charming to pick me up in a horse drawn Ferrari. All I'm asking for is a Prince that will like me for my brains, my heart, and my wit. For a Prince that is interested in more than one spin around the ballroom floor. I want a Prince that is intelligent, has a sense of humor, and takes pride in himself. For a Prince with gusto, a Prince with manners, ambition, temperament, and talent. That's all I'm asking for, that's all I really want.

Do me a favor will you? Keep an eye out for him just in case he got hit by a truck but is lying in a coma somewhere. Just in case Robin Hood Prince of Thieves is holding him captive for some unknown reason. Just in case he's off singing Hakuna Matata with Pumba and Timone. Just in case...

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