The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011



Guest Blogger: Lisa from Love Comma Lisa

I grew up glued to love stories like Cinderella, The Princess Bride, Beauty & the Beast, and Anne of Green Gables (plus many, many more!)  I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, for as long as I can remember.  I would lay on my top bunk, close my eyes, and imagine: imagine that I grew up, found my Prince Charming, and lived happily ever after.  I knew he was out there: the guy who would sweep me off my feet and be everything I’d ever dreamed of.

And so, when I was not even twenty years old, I did the one thing that girls who are too anxious to fall in love often do: I settled.  I got married.  And, it’s funny, because I was swept up in the romance of the whole thing that I didn’t even stop to think—really think—about what I was doing.  That is, until my first step down the aisle in that long white dress.  My insides locked up and I realized that I was about to make a promise for forever.  What did I know about forever, being only nineteen years old?  I pushed those thoughts aside and determined that I would make it work.  I would make it a fairytale ending.

And I really believed that I would.  I really believed I could make it last forever.

The thing about forever, though, is that it’s a really, really long time.  A couple years into the marriage, I started to change.  A lot.  Actually, it wasn’t that I was just changing—I was growing up.  I hadn’t even realized that I wasn’t grown up yet!  I was working a good job, going to college, making friends, and ultimately learning a lot about myself and who I was.  And I began to realize that my true self actually didn’t mesh very well with the person I had haphazardly chosen to spend the rest of my life with.  It wasn’t that he was such an awful guy, but the truth was: he wasn’t The One.  And he never had been.

Almost three years to the day, I told him that I wanted a divorce.  I tried to explain it in a way that wouldn’t make him hate me, but I learned that’s a pretty much impossible thing to do in situations like that.  It wasn’t easy.  I was terrified of the reactions I’d get from every direction: from friends, from family, from him.  But I had to make a choice: a choice between his happiness, or mine.  And I chose to make myself happy.

Now, I’m not here to advocate divorce or glorify it in any way.  It’s not a pretty thing.  But the truth of the matter is, it made me a stronger person.  I had to do something hard, but for me, it was the right thing to do.  Since then, I’ve blossomed and grown even more than I ever thought possible.  My ex was able to move on and develop as a person, too.  We’d held each other back without even realizing it.  And I’ve since found a love that goes deeper and truer than I ever thought possible.  They say that the darkest hour is just before dawn, and I think they’re right.


Mandy said...

I never knew you were married before. Not that it matters - it's just another little piece of info I now know. The joys of blogging.

I'd have to say that I have that hint of a romantic in me as well; mainly from all the romance novels I read continuously. A part of me says it's not reality, and then a part of me refuses to accept that. It's made it difficult for me to "give up" on relationships, even if they've been completely wrong. And now that I'm in a serious one, there's a part of me that really worries that I'm doing the same thing all over again. But mostly I recognize that "forever" doesn't come easily like in fairy tales - and that it's the work that must be put into the relationship that makes it worth its' weight in gold.

Becky said...

Wow - thanks for sharing this story! I'm sure that absolutely made you stronger - and so much better because you can truly be yourself!

P.T said...

"The darkest hour is just before dawn" -- I totally agree with this. I always take the good out of the bad...or I try to...

San said...

I had no idea you were married before. You are so young, I didn't give this a thought at all... but that you for sharing this piece of information about you.

Emily Jane said...

Thank you so much for sharing this story of yours. I can relate (somewhat) - when I was about twenty as well, I was proposed to, and said yes - we were planning the wedding, sending out invitations, when things started to change. He started displaying all sorts of awful behaviour (like REALLY awful), and I realised that I was settling. Luckily we broke up, and at the time I was devastated - only in recent years have I been able to see ahead of time that I deserved a little bit more. Sometimes the biggest mistakes we make are the biggest opportunities for learning and growth - they were for me, anyway :)

~Hurricane B~ said...

I do not think people are realizing it is not YOU that this story is about, it is your guest blogger. Your blog seems cool, I just came to read this since I am a friend of Lisa's. I am glad you had her on here. Lisa if you read this. You are brave, strong and you made the right choice and are even more beautiful for it.