Guest Blogger: Lisa from Love Comma Lisa
I grew up glued to love stories like Cinderella, The Princess Bride, Beauty & the Beast, and Anne of Green Gables (plus many, many more!) I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, for as long as I can remember. I would lay on my top bunk, close my eyes, and imagine: imagine that I grew up, found my Prince Charming, and lived happily ever after. I knew he was out there: the guy who would sweep me off my feet and be everything I’d ever dreamed of.
And so, when I was not even twenty years old, I did the one thing that girls who are too anxious to fall in love often do: I settled. I got married. And, it’s funny, because I was swept up in the romance of the whole thing that I didn’t even stop to think—really think—about what I was doing. That is, until my first step down the aisle in that long white dress. My insides locked up and I realized that I was about to make a promise for forever. What did I know about forever, being only nineteen years old? I pushed those thoughts aside and determined that I would make it work. I would make it a fairytale ending.
And I really believed that I would. I really believed I could make it last forever.
The thing about forever, though, is that it’s a really, really long time. A couple years into the marriage, I started to change. A lot. Actually, it wasn’t that I was just changing—I was growing up. I hadn’t even realized that I wasn’t grown up yet! I was working a good job, going to college, making friends, and ultimately learning a lot about myself and who I was. And I began to realize that my true self actually didn’t mesh very well with the person I had haphazardly chosen to spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t that he was such an awful guy, but the truth was: he wasn’t The One. And he never had been.
Almost three years to the day, I told him that I wanted a divorce. I tried to explain it in a way that wouldn’t make him hate me, but I learned that’s a pretty much impossible thing to do in situations like that. It wasn’t easy. I was terrified of the reactions I’d get from every direction: from friends, from family, from him. But I had to make a choice: a choice between his happiness, or mine. And I chose to make myself happy.
Now, I’m not here to advocate divorce or glorify it in any way. It’s not a pretty thing. But the truth of the matter is, it made me a stronger person. I had to do something hard, but for me, it was the right thing to do. Since then, I’ve blossomed and grown even more than I ever thought possible. My ex was able to move on and develop as a person, too. We’d held each other back without even realizing it. And I’ve since found a love that goes deeper and truer than I ever thought possible. They say that the darkest hour is just before dawn, and I think they’re right.