The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011



Guest Blogger: Kamal Singh from 10 Pints and a Curry

When, we are apart I love her, when together I simply make Love !!

Love is a old story! Love is an old story. Nothing is new in it – it is always the old and the same pattern, and everybody repeats the same thing. Nothing new ever happens in love; it is just a rut… A few things to be understood….

One: love is always beautiful in the beginning, very rarely beautiful in the middle, and almost never beautiful in the end; that’s the whole process of love. So there are two ways: one is to go on changing the partner. Each time you think that the beginning is ending, change immediately. That is one way, and is what the west is doing. The moment you feel that the love is no more the same as it used to be, that the honeymoon is over, you change the partner. Then again you are at the beginning and you can go on changing… but you never grow like that.

The East has another trick: get married to a person with whom you are not in love. Then there will be no bad ending because there is no beginning: it is just finished from the very beginning, it has ended before it begins. That’s what the East has done… but both the eastern and western ways are meaningless. The third possibility – and this is my suggestion – is to be in love but not to start thinking of marriage. That’s what you did – you started thinking of making a home; then you are getting into trouble, the old rut.

Be in love as birds and animals are in love. Be in love but don’t start thinking of settling. Settling is very unsettling, because once you start settling the romance is over. The ordinary life is so heavy that it crushes the flower of romance and kills it. Once you start settling, small things become very important and love becomes secondary.How to manage for money and where to purchase a house and how to manage for furniture, and these things become more important, and love becomes secondary. These things are infinite – the list is long – and love comes only in the end and so it never comes! By the time you are finished with the house and the money and the furniture, you are falling asleep. By and by you completely forget that you were trying to make this house to love this woman.

So don’t do that again – remember it! Always keep a distance between the person you love and yourself. There is no need to settle: settling means that you start taking the other for granted.
That is the meaning of being a wife and a husband: the other is taken for granted.

You are only lovers if you don’t take the other for granted. Being in love means you have to seduce the other person every day: you cannot take him for granted, you don’t have any property right, you will have to persuade the other, so the cooing continues. And that’s what love is. Once things have settled and you know that you possess the woman and the woman knows that she possesses you, then through that possessiveness all sorts of jealousies, anger, hatred, fight and nastiness arise.

Then you will start repeating the pattern that you have learned from your parents and she has learned from her parents. Remember one thing: you don’t know what your mother did when she fell in love, you don’t know what your father did when he fell in love, but you know what they did when they were settled. You know them as wife and husband, you have not known them as lovers. This is something very important to understand.

You cannot repeat anything when you are a lover, but when you become a husband or a wife and a householder, then you know. And you have only one programme, your mind is programmed. …
Friendship is always good. It is more civilized than love, mm ?

So What Is Love To You ????


Anonymous said...

I do agree with what you are trying to say upto a certain extent... But love has to mature into something more concrete and long term, I guess that is how civilization is....

Though I would love to be in love the way you have put it, I guess I just have to find the right person...

Ninja in a Mazda said...

The common current definition of marriage seems to be an accomplishment of sorts that until one has reached, one is considered incomplete or failing that aspect of life.

To me, it is the connotations with marriage and the attention it receives that forces people to settle.

If you view marriage as an accomplishment, the love is gone or may never have been there to begin with (your comment about not thinking about marriage was spot on). People seem to do this to appease society, as evidenced by the extravagant ceremonies, gift giving, etc.

If you view marriage as a necessary evil, like registering your car...the love and integrity of the relationship unromantic as that sounds...

I really like your perspective with this...nice work.

Kamal :) said...

@ Anonymous :

I sincerely hope you find, actually discover someone like the image in the post. I am making a wild guess in presuming you are a female, so all the best with man hunting.... ;)

@ Ninja in a Mazda :

Appreciate the feedback, and CHEERS to you agreeing with what I had to say, generally its the other way round accompanied sometimes by beautiful foul language and me deleting comments....

And, Thank you so much Jessica for putting this up on your blog....

10 Pints & A Curry

Jayka said...

fantastic share! I love ya'll for being part of this crazy idea of mine.