The Archives: May 2009 - March 2011


You are so Lovely

So tonight I went to go watch Lovely Bones with my hubby and eight other family members & friends. It was a great time, but the movie put me in a strange mood. (If you don't know what the movie is about you can watch this trailer.)

Well, the whole thing is pretty much about are the living holding back the dead, or the dead holding back the living? It made me a little sad. When my uncle passed away a few years ago from cancer a lot of people told me that I had to let him go. I was told repeatedly to let his soul rest. Other people in my family would say how their small children would say they saw him, or felt him, and it was so much emotion I didn't know how to feel, or what to believe.

{My Tio Mac, he was like a second father to me growing up.}

I wonder if any of it is true. Do our inconsolable feelings hold a person from resting in peace, or are these people the ones who are holding us back from our closure? Do any of you even believe in this kind of connection?

{Mama Cuca, my grandma. She made me that dress}

I was raised to believe in these things, people I trusted swore they had seen or experienced "spirits" or whatever, so I find it hard to just disregard the whole possibility. At times I would say that I myself felt the feeling of someone near, when in reality I was alone. Our minds are known to play tricks on us if we let them.

I don't know where I am going with this, but just in case any of this is true, I will pray for closure with the losses I still feel, and the ones that you may be suffering with as well. I miss my Tio Mac and my grandma so much. A lot of times I feel guilty because I know they were both suffering a lot while they were alive, but I want them to be here for all of the important moments of my own life. It's very selfish of me, but I wish they could have been here for my wedding, to see my niece and nephew, to visit me in my very own house. I know they would have been so proud, and to be honest sometimes I just want them back so that I can give them a great big hug and tell them silly jokes. This pain is so real, and I know that even if it's not for their souls to rest, I need this closure for me. I need to stop with the if only they could be here and just be happy for the times they were here. I know... but it's so hard.

May you all rest in peace.

{This is the last picture I took with my uncle. 
One month before his death, this was taken on the day I moved to Chicago.}


Elizabeth said...

I'm sorry about your loss, and i know how you feel. it's extremely hard but those are questions we don't have the answers to. i also wished our lost ones were here but it's life.

was the movie any good?

Jessy Taylor said...

i liked the movie.

No One Reads The Copy said...

My grandfather passed away years ago, and I still get sad about it. We were really close. After he died, I had a dream where he kept ignoring me and wouldn't look at me. And finally he turned to me and said, you can't follow me yet. WEIRD. Or it could just by my own interpretation of what I think happens after death. Either way, it's not bad to keep them close to your heart, I don't think.

Steph said...

I once took a science course where it was taught this kind of holding back stuff,spirits and so forth were just the brain plaing tricks and/or wishful thinking because none of it could be proved by science. I completely disagreed and dropped the course. It made me so uncomfortable to think others thoughts being so black and white.

LaLa said...

I can't wait to see this!